Youth Sports: Parents Suck (Part 2)

Crazy Youth Sports Parents and Coaches Series

In the last post, I suggested that parents should limit their role in youth sports to sperm and egg donors, check writers, schedulers and bus drivers. My rant was about the parent-led drama-filled story about my daughter's AAU spring / summer basketball season.

U15 Nations Baseball World Series Champ

Thanks to another group of parents, my son's spring / summer baseball team was a debacle too. Don't get me wrong, the action on the field was great. The boys all liked each other and played hard. They struggled to get wins early in the season, but came on very strong at the end of the season and won the Nations Baseball World Series in Pensacola, Florida.

The parents are the ones who made the season quite miserable. Parent coaches sparked discontent among many of the other parents. Youth sports parents with competing interests and goals often leads to no good.

The team was originally billed as a professionally coached team. They had a hitting coach, a pitching coach, an ex-minor league catcher to coach catching and all baseball fundamentals. The two parent coaches on the staff both had roles one the team too. They were tasked with the administration work and management of the games and practices when the professional coaches were not around.

One of the reasons my son picked the team was because he made an instant connection with the hitting coach at tryouts. Sadly, my son never saw that hitting coach again after the tryouts due to personal reasons and conflicts.

The pitching coach, a former minor league player and son of one of the dad coaches, was / is terrific. He could teach and had a great rapport with the kids. The only issue with him was that he was not a regular sideline coach. He was primarily available in the winter, but not very much during the regular season. This was not an issue for my son because he does not pitch, but the other very talented pitchers on the team could have benefited from more pitching instruction.

The "ex-minor league catcher" coach was terrific coach too. He's a young, energetic and credible. The kids loved him. The problem, he coached high school baseball and was not available until the later half of the first season. And by the second season, he was not available at all due to a work / grad school conflict.

That left two dad coaches. Another dad, also joined the staff to help out. So essentially, we had an elite team with three parent coaches. This is not unheard of, most of the teams had dad coaches too, but it did not seem to work in this case.

Many of the parents did not like how their kids were being played (positions, batting order, playing time, etc.) vis-a-vis the coaches kids, actually one of the kids in particular. The anger and resentment boiled up and up as the season went on. The bickering and complaining got louder and louder as the season went on. The calls to the coaches to complain became more and more frequent. I buried my head in the stats book and tried to steer clear of it as best I could, but it was pervasive among the dads and the moms. I have learned over the years that complaining does not work. It actually makes you feel worse about the situation and yourself.

In Pensacola, Florida, the the last pitch was thrown and the kids collected their championship trophies. Five minutes later, all of the families jumped in their cars for an 11 hour drive, and the majority of the team would never play together again. It didn't matter that the kids really enjoyed playing together.

The Main Point

If your son plays baseball at a high level, get him on a team with a professionally paid coach who calls the shots, makes the line up and assigns positions based on merit. And have your son work hard to earn his spot. And finally, during the season don't complain and make the season miserable for everyone else.

Trust me at the end of the day, talent will eventually win out. It always does.

The parents on this team were fun to be around when baseball was not the topic. I will actually miss hanging out with them. I have learned that many parents make a lot of emotionally based mistakes with their first young athletes. I was one of these complaining parents with my first kid and a little with my second kid earlier in his career. Overtime, I figured out that complaining was counter-productive and stressful. The parents from this baseball team will figure it out too. I wish them and their kids well.

Cooperstown Dreams Park: The Book that Sums Up the Experience

Josh Berkowitz, a Jewish dad and diehard Boston Red Sox fan from Massachusetts, wrote a book about an unlikely youth baseball team that competed in the premiere U10 national tournament at Cooperstown Dreams Park, in Cooperstown, NY. Josh was the coach of this unique team.

My son, Nic, played in the U12 version of this premiere event two years ago. My site is loaded with information about the Cooperstown Dream Park tournament. Countless parents and coaches, from many teams across the country, visit my site every month to read my CDP information. Visits to this content make up a significant portion of the 40,000 or so pageviews I get each month.  I guess that is why Josh reached out to me to review his book.

In the book, Josh writes about how fear held him back in life, so I am wondering how he mustered up the courage to ask me, a Catholic Yankee fan, to review his book. That takes some guts. I have nothing against Jewish people whatsoever, but I have a strong bias against Red Sox fans so a positive review was not a given.

Regardless, Josh's publisher sent me a copy of the book. The postman delivered it on Friday as an ominous dark cloud passed over my house. Then strong winds followed shortly. I could sense something foreboding. I got up to take a look and then went outside to take down the umbrella that covers our backyard table. I saw the mail truck fight the wind while leaving my development. I ran around to the front of the house to get the mail hoping to get there before the rains poured down. I had to hold on to my Yankee hat as I made my way. I could hear wood from nearby trees creaking under the pressure, almost screaming in pain against the forceful wind. This spooked me a bit. I quickly grabbed the mail which contained a small package, some bills and a letter from Mitt Romney that happened to blew out of my hand. I ran after the letter even though Mitt is probably a damn Boston Red Sox fan too.

The winds continued to intensified. Trees started to fall and electric and cable lines fell to the ground. I ran back to the house and suddenly found myself alone with no electricity, no internet and no cable TV. It would remain that way for 2 days. I did have a small white package to open.

I watched my American flag struggle to hold on to the pole as I ripped open the package. I considered getting the flag down, while I pulled the book called Third Base For Life: A Memoir of Fathers, Sons and Baseball by Josh Berkowitz from the envelope. I looked at the flag again. It was not safe to go outside, so I decided to let the flag fend for itself. The house was still bright from natural light, so I grabbed a Yuengling beer and I started to read the words of the Red Sox fan with some reluctance.

The book opens on the first day of school at Rashi, a private Jewish Day School in Newton, Massachusetts. A place where teachers indoctrinate innocent boys to hate the Yankees, I thought to myself as I read. I almost did not get past the second page.

With nothing better to do, I read on. I soon realized that Josh and I have a few things in common. We both love baseball. We love Italian food (It's the only food he mentions in the book besides Kosher food, but Josh is not Kosher). We both have teenage sons who play baseball. We both have loving supportive wives. And we both realize that our kids have more confidence than we ever had.

Before I knew it, I was emotionally invested in the compelling characters. Josh describes the real life quirky people so masterfully that you instantly feel for them and feel sorry for them. There is a kid with a diabetes pump, a hemophiliac, a mexican born boy adopted by a gay Jew and his partner. There is a bully you'll hate for awhile and the "private jet" rich kid. The list reminded me of my post that listed all of the stereotypical types of youth baseball players.  And of course Josh mentions lots of over protective parents, irrational fans and clueless coaches. If this were a fiction book you would criticize the author for creating characters who were too far fetched.

Josh also described the Cooperstown Dreams Park youth baseball tournament experience in such vivid detail. If you had already been to Cooperstown Dreams Park you will likely feel like you were there again. I welcomed back memories that distracted me with delight. If you are going to Cooperstown Dreams Park in the next year or so, read the book, you will appreciate the experience even more when you get there. By the way, Josh's description of the pro-like caliber of the 10 year old players is not exaggerated. My son played on an amazing 10 year old team that finished 2nd in the CABA World Series beating an All Star Team from Puerto Rico and another from Panama. Some 10 year old kids can really play the game at a high level.

Josh weaves his story skillfully with both pleasant and sad twists that will keep you reading. And throughout the story he tactfully teaches kids and dads alike the importance of overcoming the fear that holds us back.

If you love youth baseball and feel good stories you will enjoy this true David vs Goliath story about an all Jewish youth baseball team. In this story, however, there are 95, no make that 94 Goliaths. I won't ruin the ending by telling you the story. I can tell you that very few of the rocks tossed by the sling of David were very accurate or effective, but as Bill Murray famously chanted in the movie Meatballs - It just doesn't matter.  It just doesn't matter.  It just doesn't matter.

The Main Point

Josh, this book is inspiring to all of us who have let fear hold us back. Thanks for putting yourself out there and writing it.

And I hate to admit it but I guess there are some damn Red Sox fans may have merit after all.

Youth Hockey: Coach Assaults Opposing 13 Year Old Player

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series - Special Alert

In Vancouver, BC, the coach of the winning team tripped a 13-year-old hockey player during the post game handshake. The tripping incident followed the UBC Hornets 5-4 defeat of the Richmond Steel.

Unfortunately for the coach, the player, who fell, broke his wrist and a parent of a Steel player caught the incident on video. The coach, Martin Tremblay, who was arrested in Vancouver, claimed the tripping was an accident. He was arrested and charged with assault. Investigators are now reviewing witness statements and video of the incident.

Accounts also mention that following the incident, the coach gave fans appalled by the tripping the middle finger. Other accounts mentioned that Hornet players acted inappropriately too. Allegedly one Hornet player was caught on camera throwing a water bottle at fans in the bleachers while his teammates taunted fans with rude gestures.

The Main Point

This may be the most horrible coach in youth sports. In one isolated moment, his irrational action injured an opposing player. I would guess that in many not so isolated moments his behavior during practices and games has affected the minds of his own players. Players often mimic the coach. 


We need to weed out coaches like this. Video is a great way to do that.

Youth Sports: Coach, Your Players Are Hydrated Are You?

This past weekend, my daughter's team competed in an elite regional tournament. The temperature was 94 degrees and very sunny.

This is what we did to keep the athletes cool and hydrated

1.  We packed a cooler with 12 white towels soaked in ice and water. One towel for each girl to put on her head or neck to keep cool.
2. We packed ample amounts of ice water and Gatorade. 
3. We set up a tent on the side lines for the players to sit under.
4. The tournament mandated water breaks at the 15 minute mark of each half.
5. We immediately got out of the sun between games - my daughter and I went to see the Avengers in a cool cinema between games on Sunday.

The kids went 4-1 in the tournament. They lost in the finals 1-0 against the best team in Ohio. The steps we took to keep them cool and hydrated worked and allowed us to compete.

But what about the coaches? Did we stay hydrated? Apparently not.

The Main Point

Coaches, you need to stay as hydrated as your players. If not you can end up like me.

On the way home from the finals on Monday, while driving 65 MPH on the highway, I started to blackout. Luckily, I was able to move off the highway and remain conscious. I stayed as calm as I could as I instructed my daughter on how to use On-Star to call for help if I should pass out. I then instructed her to climbed in the back of the car to get me a cold wet white towel and some water. The water and the cool town made me feel better. Soon, I felt good enough to continue driving, but I did not want to risk it so we pulled off on the very next exit to get some water and food.

I felt good as we left the restaurant. We started to drive home and as soon as I reached cruising speed, I started to feel really dizzy again. I pulled over again. Once I again I took a cool towel and more water. I then started feeling better again, but was not confident that I could drive my daughter home safely. I did feel good enough to drive to a hospital that happened to be on the very next exit. I drove there and checked myself in.

I learned a valuable lesson even though we are not running around, coaches need hydration too. 

Ugly Youth Baseball Fight Caused by Adults?

Crazy Youth Parents and Coaches Series

The entire Yuba City Junior Varsity baseball team was suspended for an entire week following a massive brawl with rival Del Campo. The account of the fight was covered by advarsitysports.com

The ugly event allegedly started with a first base coach jawing with the pitcher of the Yuba City Honkers. The young pitcher lost his cool and threw a baseball at the coach. The ball missed the coach, so the player charged the coach and a brawl ensued. Check it out.



As if this event did not need anymore ugliness, at the end of the video you'll notice a foul mouthed mom (I assume it's a mom) walk on the field dropping F-bombs and giving a finger to the collective.

The school, not the commissioner of the section, imposed the penalty. His M.O. as he put it is to let the school police itself. I hope that stiffer and more specific penalties result after a full investigation.

The Main Point

I think that the first base coach of Del Campo should be fired if the accounts are true. A coach should never, ever address a youth player in this way.

The pitcher should be suspended for the entire season. This kid lost his cool and gave his school, with a great baseball reputation, a major black eye. Luckily the kid was not batting when the coach got under his skin, otherwise the young punk could be facing assault with a deadly weapon charges today.

Finally, the mom, who walked on the field, was not doing her son or herself any favors by going on to the field spewing profanities. I would bet that her behavior is the root cause to the issue.

Unfortunately, parents and coaches set the tone for kids. The parent and coach in this case set an ugly tone indeed.

Youth Basketball Routs: How Big a Win is too Big?

Last night, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish Women's Basketball team beat Pitt 120 to 44. If you have never seen Skylar Diggins play ball you need to. 

Last night in men's college hoops, the West Carolina Catamounts beat the Toccoa Falls Eagles of the National Christian College Athletic Association by 102 points (141-39).

Big wins like these on the youth sports scene really upset people. Big wins like these generate questions for me.

Question One: 

What is the politically correct margin of victory when a far superior team plays an inferior team? Should the team stop when the point differential get to 10 points, 20 points, 30 points? I ask the question because I really do not know.

Question Two: 

And when the team, that is in total control, gets to the politically correct point spread what should the team do? Should they play an embarrassing game of keep away? Has anyone asked the losing team why they didn't slow down the pace of play? Surely, the team getting blown-out could have dribbled uncontested at the half court-line for several minutes each possession to kill time.

Over the years, my kids have been on both sides of a blowout. I can tell you that it is no fun to be on the losing side, but it does not anger me unless the coach of the superior team is classless. 

Here is an example: I was completely angered when my son's team was getting blowout in a league championship game. The league was sponsored by a local indoor facility were the rules are somewhat lax compared to sanctioned leagues. My son's team had beaten the other team in the regular season so his team was confident that they could win the championship trophy if they played their game. The opponent that showed up for the game wore the same uniforms as the team my son's team played earlier in the season, but several of the players in the uniforms were different. These new players were awesome and completely dominated the game. If that were not bad enough, the coach of the opposing team called timeout with 24 seconds left in the game, a game his team was winning by 43. He called timeout to set up a scoring play. The coach was a completely classless jackass.

Question Three: 

So what is the coach of a far superior basketball team to do? Here are my thoughts:

1) Stop the full court press as soon as you realize that your team is going to win comfortably. (A 15 point lead is a typical time to consider calling off the dogs. Some leagues restrict full court presses after a team gets to a certain big lead.)

2) Play your non-starters more than normal to give them game time experience. You never know when you will need a reserve to cover for a starting player who becomes injured or who has fouled out at a key juncture in the game.

3) Make sure that your starters get some quality minutes too. They worked hard all week and deserve to play. This is especially important for the star players who

Youth Sports: Share Your Thoughts on Playing Time

Playing Time Dilemma - What do you think?

Here's the situation:

I am the assistant coach for my daughter's 5th grade basketball parochial school team.

The head coach is out of town and we have a big tournament game tomorrow.

We have 10 players on the team.

During the regular season, the parish mandated that all players 5th grade and under must play 2 quarters. That certainly makes any playing time decisions easy.

In tournaments, however, each player must play 1 quarter.

The team is made up of a mix of experienced and inexperienced players. The 3 most experienced players working together can control and win most games. Due to the parish playing time mandate during the regular season, we rarely had all 3 experienced players on the court at the same time and we ended up a .500 team.

SO MY QUESTION TO YOU

If we play all of our girls equal playing time we will likely not advance far in the tournaments (1 to 2 games max).

If we play our 3 most experienced players a disproportionate amount of time, we have a chance to advance far in the tournaments (3 to 5 games).

So equal time for 1 or 2 games or reduced playing time per game for 3 to 5 games.

What would you do?

The Main Point

Player / person development is our main goal. Winning is our second goal. (Positive Coaching Alliance - Double Goal Coaching)

I truly believe that the inexperienced girls will actually get more playing minutes in the tournament if we play the experienced girls more. More playing time is better for player development.

The inexperienced players will also get a better chance to touch the ball in meaningful situations if the experienced girls are on the court breaking presses, drawing defenders and making smart passes. Again, this leads to a better player development situation.

The head coach has played the experienced girls more so far in the tournament and the team has advanced to the semi-finals. If we win tomorrow, all of the girls will win trophies and feel like they were a part of something special.

So I think you know how I am going to coach this tomorrow.

Full discloser - my daughter is one of the 3 experienced players and probably the leading scorer on the team.

What would you do?

Youth Basketball: A or B Team Which is Better for You?

As a parent you want the best for your kid in sports, in school and in life. You want them to succeed and fulfill their potential at everything they do.  To help them get to the highest levels of any endeavor, you work with them or you find coaches, teachers or mentors to help them, you encourage them when they have doubts about their abilities and you nudge them when the fear of failure is holding them back. An aware parent also has to recognize when not too push.

Last night, my son, Nic, went to basketball tryouts for his school's 8th grade team. He has played on the A team for the last two years, but he had no intentions of playing for the A team this year. And I had no intentions of pushing him.

Flashback: At the end of the 6th grade regular season and throughout the 6th grade playoffs, Nic's scrappy play earned him a spot on the starting five of the A team. It was a result of pure determination and hard work and he was so proud of himself. Still, when 7th grade tryouts came around his heart told him to jump to the B team and have fun. His head and pride (and maybe my pride) told him to play on the A team again, so he accepted a position on the A team again.


During the 7th grade season, Nic was not an A team starter anymore. He was relegated to a somewhat limited backup role. He and I both understood this because my son doesn't even pick up a basketball during golf and baseball seasons while others work had hard in the off season to improve and advance.

The coach did love Nic's intensity and quickness on defense, but he didn't have a role for Nic on the offensive side of the court. My son didn't exactly relish his limited role or the intensity of the hard-nosed coach who wouldn't let him wear his headband so after enduring a long miserable season he decided that the B team would be the best option for him.

After the season he said "I've decided to take my talents to the South B team. On the B team I will be a featured player, I will handle the ball more and I will be allowed to wear my NBA swag."

As it turned my son was not the only A team player to opt for the B team. Only 7 of the 9 original A team players decided to return. Two perennial B teamers had high hopes to make the A team but did not make the cut. The A team will make a run with only 7 players.

The Main Point

Parents get a certain amount of pride by saying that their kid play on the A team. As such many parents push their kids to reach for the top teams in the top leagues. The A team, however, might not be the best player development situation for the kid.

My son is deciding between two high schools for next year. One school is big and wins State Championships, the other school is smaller. He has very little chance of making the basketball team for the big school (unless of course he grows 10 inches), but he has an outside chance of making the squad of the smaller school. He will increase his chances if he improves his ball handling skills. He wouldn't improve his ball handling skills as a role player on the A team, but he will gain valuable experience handling the ball in game situations on the B team.

Youth Sports: US Youth Sports Parents The World's Worst

We're the worst!#@!

I was surprised, but not really, when I read that US youth sports parents ranked the worst in terms of sideline behavior in a well written post on the blog Ask Coach Wolff by Doug Abrams called If Parents and Coaches Were Angels. 


Reuters News and Ipsos conducted a 22 nation poll that ranked parents in the USA as the world's worst behaved at youth sporting events.

Percentage of people who reported that they had attended youth sports contests and witnessed parents being verbally or physically abusive toward coaches or officials: 

#1 USA (60%)

#2 India (59%)

Suck it India USA is #1

#3 Italy (55%)

#4 Argentina (54%)

#5 Canada (53%)

The Main Point

60% really. It has to be much higher than that. The only way it could be 60% is if 40% of the people who attend youth sporting events in America with any regularity are deaf and blind. 

I'm considered a calm person and I've barked at incompetent refs, annoying coaches and my kids on occasion. Almost every game I watch I see one of the behaviors listed below. The other polls Doug Abrams quotes show the numbers much higher.

Here are all the scenarios - lets √ to see if my kids and I have witnessed the following behaviors:

√ Youth athletes watched parents yelling at children

√ Youth athlete watched parents yelling at coaches or officials

√ Youth athletes had watched coaches yelling at officials or children

√ Youth had watched violence by an adult fan in the stands against other adults

√ Youth had watched violence by an adult fan against a ref

Youth Basketball: Coaches Forfeiting

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

In the last two weeks, I have seen two coaches forfeit games before the game was over.

Situation 1.

My son team was playing a tournament game against a team that I will call the the Hawks. We had beaten the Hawks once and lost to them once during the regular season. In fact, the lost to Hawks the last game of the regular season kept my son's team from winning the Division II title outright. The last game of the season was a very physical and both teams left the floor a bit angry.

As luck would have it, a week later, both teams would meet again in the 2nd round of a local tournament. This is the game the refs let get out of control. See Youth Sports Refs and Umps have Tough Jobs. Toward the end of the game, my son got pounded and our coach got upset. He said something that upset the scorekeeper of the Hawks team. The Hawks scorekeeper snapped at our coach and an argument ensued. Play continued after the refs calmed coach and scorekeeper down. On the next possession, there was a battle under the boards for a rebound. One of the Hawks players caught an elbow to the nose, yet the refs did not call a foul. The dad of the injured kid yelled out to his son's teammates to throw elbows on the next play. The command from the fan was loud and clear. Our coach decided to pull our kids off the court and forfeit the game. The game was lost anyway.

Situation 2

Last night the rains poured down outside and leaked on the court inside. One of our players went to defend a fast break and slipped under an opponent while she was trying to make a layup. Both girls went down and both were injured. The refs did not call a foul. The foul total was 9 against the Indiana team and only 3 against our team. The coach of the Indiana team was irate and pulled his girls off the court and forfeited the game. Our team had amassed a 14-0 lead, but the Indiana team had the momentum and closed the gap to 6 points early in the third quarter.

The facility director was called in to check the floor and arranged to move the game to the next available court. The coach of the Indiana team indicated very clearly that he did not pull his team off the court because of the wet floor, he pull his team off of the court because of biased refereeing.

The Main Point

I was OK with my son's coach pulling his team off the court. That situation was a powder keg and we all have watched enough YouTube to know where this was going. There was no way our team was going to win, so the only thing that could happen in the closing minutes was not going to be good for anyone especially the kids.

I was disappointed with the Indiana coach when he forfeiting the game just minutes into the 2nd half. He cheated his team out of a chance to advance in the league championship tournament. He taught his kids that when times get tough you just quit. He also cheated our kids out of a chance to get a legitimate win against an older team that beat us the week before. Finally, he cheated all the parents of the girls, some who drove upwards of 40 miles, out of a chance to watch their kids compete.

Youth Baseball: Cutting Players

The politics of select baseball drives me crazy.

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

Last night, I had a conversation with a frustrated dad regarding U11 select baseball. He is rightfully frustrated with the politics of baseball. Here is his story.

• His son played on a select baseball team last spring (Team A). 
• He told me that his son was a not a superstar, but was a good player on Team A.
• Team A did well in the lowest division of the AABC league. 
• After the season was over, the coach of Team A told the parents of the players that he was going to move the team up to the next competitive division. The parents approved of the move.
• The coach also told the parents that he was going to keep the team intact. 
• As such, Team A did not schedule a tryout.
• Both my friend and his son were happy with Team A, so they did not participate in tryouts for any other teams during the tryout period last summer (Late July - Early August).
• During the tryout period last year, another local team (Team B) discovered that several of their kids were unhappy and were going to leave the team.
• Team B's best 6 kids remained.
• The coach of Team B and the coach of Team A are friends. They decided to combine their teams.
• The coach of Team A sent my friend an email telling him that his son was cut. (What a coward)
• The cut came after the tryout season - so my friend's kid was left without a team and few if any options.
• The dad called every coach looking for a spot. The frustrating process took weeks.
• He has a lead on a team, but is concerned that his son will have to go back to recreational ball.
• He later found out that the remaining six kids from Team A were the sons of the coaches and assistant coaches, not necessarily the best 6 players.

The Main Point

Is this really surprising? College coaches jump teams and leave players in the lurch without suffering any consequences. On the contrary these "role model" college coaches benefit from reneging on their contracts with universities and breaking their promises to players and their families. The NCAA teaches our youth coaches that commitments do not matter.

The coach of Team A is an inconsiderate jerk and a coward. The leadership of the respected club he plays for should have intervened.

Youth Basketball: Blowout Games What to do?

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

I hesitate to put this under the Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series because I kind of agree with this coach. You be the judge.

Recently, the Christian Heritage Girls High School team beat the West Ridge Academy 108 to 3. The news media is up in arms about this. My question to the news media and to their viewers is what is the proper amount of points to win by? Should the team stop when the point differential get to 10 points, 20 points, 30 points? I ask the question because I really do not know.

And when the team in control gets to the politically correct point spread what should the team do? Should they play an embarrassing game of keep away? Has anyone asked why the losing team didn't slow down the pace of play? Surely, the team getting drubbed could have dribbled uncontested at the half court-line for several minutes each possession to kill time.

If you think about it, the Christian Heritage Girls HS team could have won the game 158 - 3 if they decided to employ a full court press the entire game - they did not. They could have played their starting 5 the entire game - they did not.


Game 18

My daughter's 4th grade AAU basketball team is very good. The team is 13-0 against other 4th grade teams with an average point differential of 27 points. (They are 6-4 against 5th grade teams) After the finals of a recent Martin Luther King Memorial Tournament that my daughter's team won by 33 points, a dad from the other team came up to me and said, "Wow, your team is terrific. Is there a 4th grade team in the city or even the state that can beat your team?" He was in awe of our team not embarrassed by his. That is the way all parents should feel. Praise the kids who work hard and achieve. Hold them up as an example of how to do it. Do not berate the kids, the coach or the program for being high achievers.





The Main Point

So what is the coach of a far superior team to do?

1) Stop the full court press as soon as you realize that the game will be a cakewalk.

2) Play your non-starters more than normal - however do not sit your starters the entire game. They worked hard all week and deserve to play. Especially the ones who are vying for college scholarships.

3) Slow down the pace - but do not play an embarrassing game of keep away. Run your offense - but at a more deliberate pace. Perhaps tell the kids no shooting until the team completes 5 passes.

4) Do not allow any taunting or showmanship.

5) Show the other team how the game is played.

Youth Basketball: Teaching A Lesson

As I have frankly stated before, my son made his school's top basketball team because of heart and hustle and not for his skills. I write this openly because my son is self aware. My son understands that basketball is a sport he will most likely not play competitively beyond 8th grade. He plays for fun. Regardless, like any other experience, this may help define who he is going to be.

By the end of the 6th grade season last year, despite his lack of refined basketball skills or size, he worked his way onto the starting five of the A team. He was so proud. Hard work, heart and hustle combined with his speed and good coaching made him an outstanding defensive player. It was surely a character building year.

Easy Layup

As 7th grade basketball started, he knew that he would have to prove it all over again. His coach is demanding, many of the kids who specialize in basketball got better and many got much bigger. Nic has not had his growth spurt yet and quite frankly did not touch a basketball throughout the long baseball and golf seasons. Still he had confidence that he could out work his teammates and secure meaningful playing time.

When the 7th grade season started, Nic was a bench player again. The team has struggled in the early going and a few of the starters are prone to foul trouble so minutes are not hard to come by.

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

After blowout loss last week, the coach demoted four of the five starters and promoted four. My son was promoted.

On the car ride home after the ugly game, my son told me that the coach gave a tough post game speech. He told me of the demotions and the praise he got for his hustle. He was especially proud that the coach called out his all out dive on the court for a loose ball. My son was beaming.

I sat quietly and listened, but I knew that his situation was very different than last year's promotion. He had not technically earned a spot, the others simply lost their spots. I knew this was more about teaching the starters a lesson than rewarding my son.

As he continued to talk, I was having a battle in my mind. Should I tell him my thoughts or should I just let him revel. I let him revel of a day or so, but then I shared my concerns with him before the next game.

I told Nic that his hard work for a starting sport has just begun. He was a bit confused after all he was just named a starter. I told him that he will need to make every "starting" minute count if he wants to retain that spot. I told him that I think the coach is simply sending a message and the starters will likely be reinstated. If and when that happens I wanted him to know that he did not lose his spot. He told me that he thought that that was the case. I told him to take advantage of the situation.

The next game he was on the floor for the tip off. The four demoted players were on the bench with the one kid who has yet to start a game all year. After one minute and fifty two seconds, the coach sends that one non-starter into the game to replace Nic. I could see the disappointment on Nic's face. As the first quarter came to an end with the new starters holding a 3 point lead, the coach turned to his demoted starters and said, "Have you learned your lesson yet?" The kids nodded rather sheepishly. They started the 2nd quarter, played very well and stayed out of foul trouble. As a result, Nic played less minutes than he has all year.

The Main Point

I could have showered my son with compliments and told him how proud I was that he made the starting team again. But when the gig was up what would he think?

1) Understand the situation - whether you like the situation or not
2) Help you kids understand what the coach is trying to do - again whether you like it or not
3) Do not give false praise to kids - they know exactly where they fit in - honesty is always best.
4) Praise and reward hard work and hustle.

Youth Sports: Lebron James Bumped Off His Pedestal

I grew up watching the NBA. I loved watching the '70's Knicks / Lakers rivalry. I once drew a life size picture of Wilt Chamberlain that I cut out and hung on my wall. It was the first FatHead ever. Unfortunately, at 8 years old I did not see the huge business opportunity.


I became a 76ers fan when my dad bought Sixers season tickets in 1976, Dr. J's first year with the team. We had 14th row center-court seats from 1976 to 1990. Over the years, I saw the circus act shots of Dr. J, I witnessed Michael Jordan score his 10,000 point and his 15,000 point and I was awed as a shattered backboard rained down on Darryl Dawkins. 


I watched some great professional basketball over the years and loved it. Sadly, I do not watch NBA basketball anymore. I don't like the prima donnas or overly tattooed thugs who play the game now. And I am glad to say, my kids do not watch NBA basketball either.


On November 27, 2010, Lebron James, arguably the best player in the world, gave me just another reason to avoid the NBA when he intentionally bumped into his coach Eric Spoelstra. It was a bush league, disrespectful move. But perhaps the worst thing about the incident was that the coach did nothing about it. He down played it in interviews after the fact. You can tell in the video he was pissed off until he turned around and saw who bumped him, the supposed best player in the game who cannot win a championship. 


Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series


I see this all the time on youth sports fields and courts. The best players get away with disrespectful behavior much more readily than the bench players. Coaches put winning ahead of discipline. Coaches want to keep their stars happy to keep them from bolting to another team. Ironically, it is the lack of discipline and poor team chemistry that leads to losing and nothing makes a star leave a team more than losing. 



The Main Point

I agree with Charles Barkley who famously said that he was not a role model. Barkley wanted parents and teachers to quit looking to him to raise their kids and instead be role models themselves. As a former fan of Pete Rose, Roger Clemons and Brett Farve, I could not agree more. Add Lebron to the mix. I had already added him to the list this summer for the way he handled his free agency. And lets add Eric Spoelstra to the list of coaches we do not want to emulate. He is toast.

Youth Basketball: Coach Spanks Team Into Shape

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

This blog chronicles the good, the bad and the ugly of youth sports. Today, I guess is ugly day with my last post about sports hazing and this story about coach from Jackson, Mississippi. The coach of Murrah High School, Marlon Dorsey whipped his players with a heavy weightlifting belt for not executing plays correctly. Get this! The coach was brazen enough to spank his players while parents were in the gym watching.

The dad featured on the video below was in the gym when this incident happened. He was supposedly outraged but did nothing. I guess he didn't do anything immediately because it was not his kid who was getting abused. This dad would later find out that his kid had once been a victim too. According to the story, most of the kids were victims of this abuse over the course of the season and nobody said a word to their parents or school officials. They all feared losing playing time or getting kicked off the team.

Well, now there is video of the abuse and everyone is talking and wanting their slice of the litigation pie.



The Main Point

A coach physically abusing young athletes is sad. A black coach in Mississippi whipping black kids is even sadder. To me, however, the saddest part of the story is the dad who watched and said nothing and did nothing for several days. I can only guess that playing time for his kid was more important than respect for his kid.

This is especially sad to me because I can blame myself for the same thing. I know that I have hesitated approaching a coach who I thought was being disrespectful to my son (verbally not physically). Instead, I basically told my son, "you will encounter other A-hole coaches throughout your career and when you do you will be prepared.... You cannot quit, you just have to persevere....we will find you a better team and coach next year." I eventually had enough with my son's coach and confronted him, but only after bitting my lip for way too long. I finally realized that there was a difference between a tough a-hole coach and a disrespectful a-hole coach. I do not need my kids to be coddled, but I need the coach to respect them. It would be great if they respected them as players and people, but at the very least they need to respect them as people.