Youth Baseball: College Bound Star Commits Suicide

Athletes are just as vulnerable to mental health issues as anyone else.

Recently, the star HS pitcher for the Riverside High School (Tenn.), named Stephan Gant, drove his truck down a rural road, got out of the truck and shot himself.

Gant was no ordinary high school baseball player. Gant was the Jackson Sun's player of the year for three straight years. He was slated to play baseball at a perennial Top 25 baseball program and one of the best colleges in the country (Vanderbilt University in Nashville, TN). Gant was on a glide path to the pros and seemingly had the whole world at his feet, but something deep and dark was troubling Stephan Gant.

The Main Point

How can a star athlete who is envied by so many have a care in the world?

According to the American Psychiatric Association, this question is part of the issue. We all think that athletes, who appear so mentally tough are immune from mental problems.  It's also easy to overlook the signs of mental illness in people who appear so physically healthy. And athletes, who are in the spot light - whether if its local HS, college or the pros - do not do themselves any favors because they often shy away from the help that they need. Top athletes never want to appear weak to opponents, teammates, parents, coaches or the press.

Kids are participating in very competitive sports at a younger and younger age each year. The pressure to perform in front of fans - who are also critics -  can lead to anxiety and even depression.

Tips for Youth Sports Parents regarding the mental health of your kids.

1. Watch for depression and anxiety issues in your young athlete and don't ignore them, even if your kid is a stand out star.
2. Find a coach that builds confidence. Leave coaches that erode confidence. (I wish I took my own advice a few years ago.)
3. Stop putting ridiculous pressure on your kids to perform at high levels. Your kid is not going to get a college scholarship or play in the pros - and I say that with 95% and 99% confidence. And as we learn anything from the tragic death of Stephan Gant, star athletes who are good enough to play in college or the pros are not immune.

Youth Sports: Be Patient Benchwarmers, Be Patient

Lessons from Michael Jordan, Tom Brady and the newest sensation Jeremy Lin

How many kids with talent are overlooked because the coach did not see their potential?
How many kids with talent are pigeon-holed in a position that is not right for them and thus never shine?
How many kids with talent sit on the bench because another player is blocking their path?
How many kids with talent quit because the are just not big or tall enough yet?
How many kids with talent simply give up because they lost hope, or lost confidence or lost their competitive edge sitting on the bench?

Then again, how many overlooked kids with talent bide their time, continue to work hard, keep a positive attitude, never give up and finally make it?

The coaches and the scouts are not always right.

Michael Jordan did not make the varsity team of his high school as a sophomore. The coach thought he was too short at 5' 11''. Jordan worked hard on the JV level and worked hard in the off season. He played the final two years on the varsity team and earned McDonald's All-American status. Of course, he went on to North Carolina and then to become one of the greatest NBA basketball players ever.

Would the world know who Michael Jordan is if he decided to concentrate on baseball after he did not make the varsity basketball team as a sophomore?

Tom Brady enrolled in Michigan and was 7th QB on the team depth chart. Brian Griese was the starting quarterback for during Brady's first two years. After Griese left for the pros, Brady had to battle the highly touted Drew Hensen for a starting spot. He won that battle and set a Michigan record for most completions. He also led his team to win 20 of the 25 games he started. Despite this success, he was only drafted in the 6th round (the second to last round) in the 2000 NFL draft, a year with an otherwise unimpressive group of quarterbacks. Brady went to the Patriots and backed up Drew Bledsoe until an injury to Bledsoe gave Brady a chance to shine.

Would the world know who Tom Brady is if he did not continue to fight for the starting spot at Michigan when the highly regarded Drew Hensen showed up or if Tom Brady decided that he did not have a legitimate opportunity as the #4 quaterback on the Patriots his rookie year. (It is rare for a team to keep four QBs). He never lost hope or confidence, he simply prepared for his opportunity.

Jeremy Lin, the sensational new point guard for the Knicks, led his HS team to a California state championships, but only two D1 programs were interested in him, Brown and Harvard. Brown and Harvard are not exactly basketball powerhouses. He went to Harvard and played four years. He became the first Ivy League player to amass more than 1,400 points, 450 rebounds, 400 assists and 200 steals,  yet no NBA team drafted him. He joined the 2010/11 Golden State Warriors as an undrafted invitee and saw limited action in 29 games. During the beginning of the 2011/12 season, he was stuck on the Knick's bench until injuries to several Knick players open up a playing opportunity. In Lin's first 4 games as a starter he averaged 27.4 points per game, no one in the history of basketball since the ABA - NBA merger has done that.

Would the world know who Jeremy Lin is if he decided to quit basketball and go to business school to get a MBA - a thought that crossed his mind?

The Main Point

Many talented kids quit when the circumstances become challenging. If your kid is thinking about quitting, then share these stories with them to help them persevere.

And if they do persevere, and never make it after it is all said and done - then the experience of trying and never giving up will payoff in another form - perhaps in business school.

Youth Sports: Pre-Game Speech

What does your coach do before a big game, a game your team is not suppose to win? Is he (or she) working himself up into a frenzy yelling at the kids because he's nervous or is he (or she) Zen-like calm a la famed NBA basketball coach Phil Jackson?

Yesterday, before the soccer game against the undefeated #1 team in the TPL (The Premiere League - a league made up of some of the very best teams from Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky), the coach of our team strayed from the norm. Instead of bringing the warm-ups to a fever pitch fifteen minutes before the game, he chose to sit the girls on the field in front of the goal for a quiet chat.

When he called the team over, I had been warming up the goalie, my daughter CC. The warm-ups were not going particularly well because CC was having trouble getting a good grip on the cold slick ball.  Quite a few balls were slipping through her hands.

Her eyes told me the story, "how can this be happening before this game of all games?" She knew she was going to be tested by one of the best teams in the league. I also think that CC was a bit nervous too because one of her AAU basketball teammates was the star of the other team.

When the coach called us over, CC didn't want to go. She wanted desperately to work through her pre-game issues, but I signaled her over to the coach for the pre-game speech.

Max Effort - Amazing Save - tipped over goal

"Girls" he said, "we have nothing to lose today. We are playing the best team in the league. They are undefeated. They are suppose to beat us and they just might. We are going to play our game. We are going to play smart. We are going to play our possession game. We are not going to let them intimidate us or take us out of our game plan. We are going to make mistakes, mistakes that might lead to goals but we are not going to hang our heads down if we do. We are still in school. Still learning. If we make a mistake and they score, we are going to get back up and bring it at them again. We are going to keep working on what we have been working on for the last 5 weeks, possession, possession, possession.


That team just lost in the finals of the State Cup in a PK shoot out. A loss that is going to remind them of our win against them in the last State Cup when we won on PKs. They're going to be upset, so they're going to want to win this game badly. They might win, but if they win we are going to make them earn it. Let's limit the mistakes. Let's leave it all on the field by giving max effort. Give max effort and if you get tired, raise your hand and we will get you a quick rest. Let's make them earn it."

The speech reminded me of the Coaching Alliance Double-Goal Coach course I took this summer before the AAU Basketball National Championships. Specifically, the section of the course called ELM. The E stands for Effort. The L for Learning and the M for bouncing back from Mistakes.

The Main Point

Goal 1 off of a mistake

Just like win-at-all-cost coaches, Double-Goal coaches want to win on the field, but Double-Goal coaches strive for mastery (getting better) rather than focusing on winning. Winning is a result of mastery of the game.

Goal 2 own goal

CC's team didn't win, they lost 2-1. They got down 2-0 before the half. The first goal was the result of a mistake. A poor clearing pass hit the back of one of our midfielders and rebounded in front of an opportunistic striker from the other team who rocketed the ball into the upper righthand corner of the net before CC could even see it. The other goal was an "own goal" off a corner kick. CC was tracking the ball across the goal, but the ball hit one of our defenders in the shoulder and deflected in the opposite direction.

But CC and her team made the undefeated #1 team earn it. In fact, CC's team shut down the powerful first place team and scored once to win the second half 1-0.

The team gave max E (effort) and bounced back for a few Ms (mistakes). They gave the #1 undefeated team a scare because they concentrated on working on what the team has been L (learning), possession.

1 of 3 great second half saves

1 of 3 great second half saves 

1 of 3 great second half saves 

Youth Sports: Playing Up To Get Better

Playing up has advantages and disadvantages.

My daughter's 4th grade team has dominated every 4th grade team that they have played. They often play against older teams to find the competition that they need to get better.

I understand the concept but it can be humbling and risky. How? Why? The younger girls could lose their confidence, create bad habits or get hurt.

The Main Point

I worry about the injury risk because my daughter is so small compared to many of her teammates and the older competitors. I am not worried about her confidence because it soars when her team beats an older team and it does not wane when they lose a game they were not expected to win. Regarding bad habits, my daughter tends to pick up her dribble to quickly against bigger and faster teams, but as long as she is improving every week I think that this will eventually make her better than her peers.

Overall, I think that teams and / or players should play up to find the right competition level as long as it does not erode confidence. Confidence is the long term key to success.

This past weekend, CC's 4th grade team won both pool play games and entered the elimination round as the 3rd seed. They lost a very close and physical game in the first round. 

Jump Shot

Youth Sports Interferes with Family Time. I Think Not.

The University of Minnesota conducted research on Youth Sports. The report is called Parents perceptions of how frequently youth sports interferes with family time. 

They conclude that "done right" youth sports can provide a positive and meaningful context for youth development and family engagement. They also express concern that the amped up youth sports world of today can place the health and well being of the children at risk. Overuse injuries, parental pressure to succeed and compromised family leisure time are the main issues.

I agree with the overuse injuries and pressure being potential issues. But I disagree with the argument that the amped up youth sports world of today hinders optimal development because meals, family outings and simple discussions between families and children are sacrificed. 

On the contrary, I think that youth sports has brought my family closer together. Due to our crazy schedule - last month we had 18 practices and 30 games between two kids - my wife and I spent countless hours in the car with our kids. Do you know what we do in the car? We talk. We have also spent countless hours at restaurants after games. Do you know what we do while waiting for our meals and eating? We talk. Travel tournaments draw us even closer together. Just last year, we visited Cooperstown and Disney. We are seeing the world and bonding. 

The following charts are from the report which I encourage you to visit via the link above.

As I look at the data, I can report that youth sports does interfere with Sunday religious service. I talked about this in my post called I Used to Wear Soccer Shin Pads to Church.  My kids go to Catholic schools so they are creating a strong religious foundation. The kids go to a service every Thursday during school. My wife and I, however, miss church more than we would like.


Late practices often pushes homework later in the evening, so I would agree that sleep is sometimes compromised. 


School is number one in our house and my kids do well, but I must admit that sometimes homework is compromised. My older son has ADHD and school did not come as easily. We restricted him to one sport per season.


Youth sports does interfere with vacations in one aspect - for example we would love to visit family out west in the summer, however, travel baseball and AAU basketball tournaments take up all of my vacation time so we have not been able to see extended family as much as we would like. On the other hand, youth sports travel tournaments also inspire vacations for us. This year we will go to Disney and to Gulf Port Mississippi. 


Youth sports does not interfere with Family time, in fact I think that we spend more time together than the average family because of sports. When we have the rare an off weekend from sports, I do not see my kids. They are off to sleepovers or hang in the basement playing video games.


Youth sports do interfere with the traditional family meal at home,  but we do eat out together a lot after games. I think that the point about family meals is the time spent together talking and we do that frequently at restaurants.

The chart indicates which sports interfere the most. Funny this chart does not have a bar that represents my daughters schedule - she is playing school volleyball, AAU basketball and Elite soccer all at the same time. 

The Main Point

So you can look at youth sports as a negative and in some families it can be, but the overbearing parent with unrealistic expectations is most likely the problem and not the schedule. I look at youth sports as a huge enriching positive for my kids and our family. 

Youth Basketball: Blowout Games What to do?

Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series

I hesitate to put this under the Crazy Youth Sports Coach Series because I kind of agree with this coach. You be the judge.

Recently, the Christian Heritage Girls High School team beat the West Ridge Academy 108 to 3. The news media is up in arms about this. My question to the news media and to their viewers is what is the proper amount of points to win by? Should the team stop when the point differential get to 10 points, 20 points, 30 points? I ask the question because I really do not know.

And when the team in control gets to the politically correct point spread what should the team do? Should they play an embarrassing game of keep away? Has anyone asked why the losing team didn't slow down the pace of play? Surely, the team getting drubbed could have dribbled uncontested at the half court-line for several minutes each possession to kill time.

If you think about it, the Christian Heritage Girls HS team could have won the game 158 - 3 if they decided to employ a full court press the entire game - they did not. They could have played their starting 5 the entire game - they did not.


Game 18

My daughter's 4th grade AAU basketball team is very good. The team is 13-0 against other 4th grade teams with an average point differential of 27 points. (They are 6-4 against 5th grade teams) After the finals of a recent Martin Luther King Memorial Tournament that my daughter's team won by 33 points, a dad from the other team came up to me and said, "Wow, your team is terrific. Is there a 4th grade team in the city or even the state that can beat your team?" He was in awe of our team not embarrassed by his. That is the way all parents should feel. Praise the kids who work hard and achieve. Hold them up as an example of how to do it. Do not berate the kids, the coach or the program for being high achievers.





The Main Point

So what is the coach of a far superior team to do?

1) Stop the full court press as soon as you realize that the game will be a cakewalk.

2) Play your non-starters more than normal - however do not sit your starters the entire game. They worked hard all week and deserve to play. Especially the ones who are vying for college scholarships.

3) Slow down the pace - but do not play an embarrassing game of keep away. Run your offense - but at a more deliberate pace. Perhaps tell the kids no shooting until the team completes 5 passes.

4) Do not allow any taunting or showmanship.

5) Show the other team how the game is played.

Youth Basketball: How to Talk to your Son After a Bad Game

Contested Layup

I had some success last night talking to my teenage boy after a bad game. I have learned how to deal with these situations and how not too. It has been an iterative process over the years. All kids are different so I am not sure this process will help you, but it seems to work for both of my kids.

Game 177

My son's basketball team lost a game by a big margin last night. After the game, my son was upset and stormed out of the gym. He loves to win and gives it his all, but he does not typically get visibly mad about losing.  I assumed that he was upset about one or more of the following; 1) his play while in the game, 2) his limited playing time, 3) getting pulled out of the game after being in for less than 10 seconds late in the last quarter or 4) missing a mixer (a school social party / dance) to play in the game.

In situations like this, my wife and I both know not to immediately talk to him about the game. It's just not productive. He always needs some time to think about and process the situation, else he will likely be irrational.

My wife and I took separate cars to the game. Nic decided to drive home with me after the game. We did not talk for the first 10 minutes of the drive home. After I was satisfied that he had some time to think, I asked him if he was more upset with missing the mixer or how he played (1 point, 1 rebound and 2 turnovers). It was a simple multiple choice question with two possible answers, but after 10 minutes of not talking he was ready to ramble on about both. Afterwards, I realized that he was bummed about missing the mixer, but upset about the game.

We drove in silence for a few minutes more. I asked him if his friends would be playing Xbox Live (Call of Duty) after they returned home from the mixer. He said yes. I asked him about his world ranking in Call of Duty - Black Ops. He explained with pride that he was ranked about 80,000th in the world. Millions play. He then explained that he could be ranked higher, but the zombie mode that he and his friends like to play does not contribute to the world rankings.

Once I was satisfied that he was thinking rationally, I turned the conversation back to the game. I asked him if he was upset about getting pulled from the game after just getting in. I knew that  this was the pain point because I saw it on his face when it happened. He confirmed it. I helped him understand the coach's rationale for this move. This was the situation:

It was late in the game and our team was on the losing side of a close battle. Our point guard had 4 fouls on him, one more foul and he was out of the game. We had just scored a basket and the coach quickly subbed Nic in for the point guard. Nic is not a natural basketball player. He made the team because he is aggressive and quick. He made the team because of defense not offense. He coach inserted Nic into the game to defend the inbound pass and hopefully to get a steal or to foul the player who received the pass. Nic quickly fouled the player to stop the clock and force the 1 and 1. After the foul, he was pulled from the game and the point guard was re-inserted. I explained to Nic that his strength is defense. If the team was winning, he would be in the game. Our point guard's strength is offense. The coach was smartly subbing the best players in for the rapidly changing situation.  Once Nic understood the situation he felt better about it.

Then I started talking about the things that he did well during the game and also gave him some advice to use his speed more on offense to create opportunities.

How to Talk To Young Athletes After a Bad Game

1) Assess the situation. Do you really need to talk about the bad game at all? Is it a teaching / learning moment? If not, do not even bring up the subject. Just down play it.

2) If it is a teaching / learning moment. Do not talk about it immediately. Let your young athlete think about it first. Say I understand you are upset about the game, lets talk about it after you have a chance to relax a little.

3) At first, ask yes / no or simple multiple choice questions. If your athlete is ready to talk they will open up. If not, they will give you a short answer. No need to push it until they are ready.

4) Listen first. Try to understand the real issue. Kids often mask the real issues by complaining about an umpire, a coach, a teammate or a phantom injury. Ask lots of qualifying questions.

5) Once you have all the input, explain the situation while highlighting your young athlete's strengths. Try to be supportive of the coaches and the refs. If your kid blames him / herself for a loss emphasize the team aspect of the game.  

The Main Point

Bad games can be great learning / teaching opportunities.

Youth Baseball: Confidence is Everything

Some coaches are masters at building confidence. Some coaches are not. Nic now has a coach who builds confidence.

Games 147 and 148

Last night, Nic went 5 for 6 during a doubleheader with 2 doubles, 3 singles, 3 RBIs and 3 Runs scored. One of his best games of a long baseball year. Nic seems to be regaining his old form with his new team. Two teammates from Nic's former team have joined him on his current team. The three of them combined for 11 hits in 13 ABs with 2 walks and a hit-by-pitch. I could tell that all three were having fun and playing free and easy.

The Main Point

Thanks to his old coach he knows what to do, but his confidence was so low he couldn't do what he had to do well with any consistency. When you combine a high baseball IQ, with skills and confidence success will follow. At the end of the regular season, I could not wait for the season to end. Now I cannot wait for the new spring season to start.

Youth Golf: Substitute Coach

The head coach of the golf team had a conflict and was not available to coach the match last Wednesday. He sent an email out to ask for volunteers, even though it was my birthday I answered the call.

My duties were simple. I made the pairings. I handed out score cards to the players. I walked the course between my first and second team to spot balls and answer any questions regarding the rules. I collected the cards at the end of the match. I then verified the individual scores on each card. I selected the four lowest scores from the six players on each team. I added up the four scores. I compared my results with the coach from the other team. We announced the medalist (the lowest individual score) and the winning team.

The only coaching I did was with the number two player on our team. He started off (+7) on the first four holes. He was uncharacteristically spraying the ball all over the place. On the fifth hole, he hit a monster hook into an area loaded with trees. He immediately looked away in disgust and did not see the ball rebound perfectly down the fairway. Head down, he walked into the woods to look for the ball. I caught up to him and showed him where his ball was. I told him good drive. He looked at me strangely and did not say a word. I said, "Listen to me it looks like a really good drive by a really good player. Sometimes you just need a break to get on a roll." I looked him in the eyes, "This is your break. You are a good player, run with it." He calmed down and finished 10 over.  His score was good enough to be in the top 4.

Game 126

Conversely, my son, Nic, started off just one over after the first 4 holes. On the fifth hole, he hit what looked like a great drive down the right hand side of the fairway. Unfortunately it clipped a tree limb and got knocked down. Instead of punching out into the fairway, my son tried to thread the needle. He again hit a tree. His third shot hit more trees and he ended up just short of a green-side bunker. Unfortunately for his fourth shot, he had have one foot in the bunker and one foot out. Despite the awkward position, he tried to flop the ball just over the lip of the trap to a pin nestled right beyond the bunker. His shot did not clear the lip and rolled back into the bunker. He ended up with an 8. I watched the debacle from afar while I was with the number two player. I could not get over to him to offer advice.

Nic was pissed. He wanted desperately shoot low on my birthday. He could not calm himself down and started to struggle. With each shot he became more upset. While he did not throw clubs, he did start taking full John Daly-esque practice swings even for short chips. I did not get on him because it was my birthday and I did not want that as a memory. He finished with an 11 over and his score did not count.

His team won the match 162 to 176.

Game 128

The next day. He struggled again. This time he could not contain himself and slammed his sandwedge into the rock hard ground (It has not rained here for weeks) and bent the club. It's lesson time now. He is without a club until he finds a way to get it fixed with his own money and problem solving skills.

The Main Point

No matter how good you are at golf, golf is a frustrating game. Every golfer, regardless of handicap high or low, wants to play great every round, hole, shot.

The best golfers contain their emotions 99% of the time. My son contains his emotions about 80% of the time. 80% is a huge improvement over the last couple of years. If he wants to excel at golf he will need to continue to improve on that.

Youth Soccer: Respect the Ref Video

Crazy Youth Parent Series

This is a great video produced by TheFA.com called Ray Calls for Respect which clearly and effectively illustrates just how ridiculous crazy youth parents can behave on the sidelines. Verbal attacks toward the referees and their own kids can be so damaging to the kids involved and the game as a whole. It is a powerful video that all parents regardless of the sport their kids play should watch.

The Main Point

According to the video, it is getting harder and harder to find people willing to referee. I can believe this because I would not want to subject myself to the barrage of insults and complaints from crazy youth sports parents. The video correctly states that there would be no games if there are no referees. 

The other point that the video makes is that players improve by learning from their own mistakes. I have seen it in all sports where parents unrelentingly find faults with their kids performance and do not hesitate to make it public by yelling from the sidelines. Kids of parents like this eventually play tentatively. When this happens a kid starts thinking too much about what to do and not do that they do not react instinctively. A slight moment of hesitation can be the difference between success and failure. The best line in the video: How is your son suppose to learn if he's not allowed to make mistakes.

Youth Basketball: McFlurry All American

On the basketball court, my daughter is typically in her happy place. One Thursday night during the first game of a doubleheader basketball game she was not. You could see it on her face.

Her best friend is on the team and was suppose to sleep over after the game, however plans quickly changed prior to the game. The team only had 5 players for the doubleheader so the coach sent out a note appealing for a sub or two. CC's best friend has a cousin who plays for a select team nearby and could play so arrangements were made to get the cousin to the game. These arrangements included a sleepover for the cousin at the best friend's house. This canceled the sleepover at our house. CC was not happy.

Game 104 and 105

CC started the first game at point guard. CC is our team's leading scorer so she drew the best defender from the other team to cover her. The defender happens to be the best defender in the league and gave my distracted daughter fits during the first quarter. CC's team got down 12-0. The coach decided try the guest player at point guard. The girl is very good and had some success. It was a good coaching move because the top defender continued to defend CC. CC was not happy seeing her sleepover competition also take her point guard position.

The top defender eventually went to cover our guest player as the game progressed. This opened the door for CC to score six fourth quarter points. CC's team lost by 1 point. It was a great game but my daughter was sad.

There was a one hour wait between games. CC could not wait for the coach to end the post game speech. As soon as the speech was done she immediately walked out the door of the gym and motioned me over. I could see the sadness on her face.

"You know what you need?", I said.
"What?"
"A M&M McFlurry. There's a McDonald's down the street"
"Before the second game?"
"Why not?"
"Sure"

She got the McFlurry and we talked. She expressed how sad she was about not having a sleepover and how pissed she was that she was not the point guard anymore. I explained to her that it was a good coaching decision since it opened up the offense and eventually helped her score 6 important points late in the game. I told her that she would be back at point guard for the next game. My daughter started to relax and look forward to the next game.

As the next game started, CC was on the bench. She had played the entire first game and the coach wanted to make things even. The timing was not good. CC turned to me with a "I told you so look". CC eventually got into the game 3 minutes later as the point guard. She faced a much weaker defender compared to the last game and CC scored in the double digits including a nice give and go with the sleepover competition. The smile returned to her face.

The Main Point

Sleepovers are more important than winning a basketball game when the girls are nine years old and ice cream before a game can be beneficial.

Youth Sports: Coaches Don't Compete With Your Players

Almighty Dad recently posted about parents competing with their kids. It is a good read and a good message for parents of athletes. The story about the dad of the track athlete could easily fit in my Crazy Youth Sports Parents Series. The kid in the story worked hard at the 880 and finally broke 2 minutes. After this great accomplishment, the dad reminded him that he did not best his high school time.

From Almighty Dad

The difference between success and failure is sometimes nothing more than one person’s momentary hesitation – the introduction of self doubt.  It’s at that moment that they get beaten and they fail.  Even momentary doubts are enough to give someone a serious handicap in life.  The difference between winning and losing is so slim that it becomes the little things that make the difference.  You, as a parent, should want your kids to be better than you, and your kids should not be stifled because of your own latent insecurities.

The Main Point

While I was reading the post Don't Compete With Your Kids, I was thinking that the same elements of the post could be written about coaches. I often wonder why coaches yell, intimidate and introduce self-doubt in their players. Self doubt perpetuates failure. It is that split second of hesitation before a jump shot, or a shot on goal, or the throw down to second that causes a failed execution. The best coaches help kids learn from their mistakes they do no dwell on them. The Almighty Dad post made me wonder if certain coaches undermine their players to make their almost forgotten little league career seem better. Who knows?

Parents heed Almighty Dad's advice and coaches take the lesson to heart too.

Youth Sports: Good Coach or Bad Coach, The Test

Hey coach do you remember which coaches influenced your life? I certainly do, almost ever single one of them. The good ones and the bad ones.

We remember them because they were a big part of our lives. They most definitely help mold our personalities. When you think about it, coaching is a serious responsibility.

So coach, how will you be remembered? Do you want to be the coach that who instills confidence or undermines it? Do you want to be the coach who develops players who advance in a sport, or the coach that drives players to quit?

Take the quiz to see what kind of coach you are. Or parents, take the quiz about your coach to see what kind of coach is influencing your child.

Write down the question number and record the letter answer. At the bottom of the quiz there is key to determine the status.

1) Tactical knowledge. A good coach knows the strategy of the game.
a) Very knowledgeable
b) Somewhat knowledgeable
c) Basic knowledge
d) Limited knowledge
e) Clueless

2) Rate your knowledge of the technical element of the sport - ability to teach skills / proper techanics
a) Very knowledgeable
b) Somewhat knowledgeable
c) Basic knowledge
d) Limited knowledge
e) Clueless

3) Rate ability to instill confidence in players
a) Very positive - Builds confidence in every kid regardless of ability.
b) Somewhat positive - Connects with most kids to build confidence.
c) Neutral - Usually instills confidence, but occasionally undermines it.
d) Somewhat negative -  Rarely instills confidence, more often than not undermines it.
e) Very negative - Undermines confidence until players leave the team or quit the sport.

4) Ability to motivate players
a) Very positive - Gets to know each player as an individual and knows what motivates them.
b) Somewhat positive - Motivates everyone the same way.
c) Neutral - Usually motivates kids, but occasionally undermines motivation.
d) Somewhat negative -  Rarely motivates kids, more often than not undermines it.
e) Very negative - Demotivates players until they leave the team or quit the sport.

5) Ability to communicate with players OFF the field
a) Very positive - Each kid always knows where they stand with clear and specific expectations
b) Somewhat positive - Communicates clearly, but not on an individual basis
c) Neutral - Basic level of communication
d) Somewhat negative -  Kids rarely know where they stand or what the vision is for the team
e) Very negative - Constantly cuts down players and does not give any clues on how to improve.

6) Ability to communicate with players ON the field
a) Very positive - All communications are positive. Players are never afraid to try things.
b) Somewhat positive - Mostly positive encouragement and teaching
c) Neutral - Mixes both positive and negative comments equally.
d) Somewhat negative - Yells constantly and is often negative. Kids play tentatively.
e) Very negative -Yells at players, umpires, other coaches creates a bad environment.

7) Ability to communicate with parents
a) Very positive - Each parent knows where their kids stand with clear and specific expectations
b) Somewhat positive - Communicates all info clearly, but not on an individual basis
c) Neutral - Basic level of communication regarding schedules, rain outs, ect.
d) Somewhat negative -  Parents often in the dark due to lack of communication
e) Very negative - Negative comments overshadow any positive information.

8) Ability to be a good role model
a) Very positive - Always treats players, opponents, referees and parents with respect.
b) Somewhat positive - Usually treats players, opponents, referees and parents with respect.
c) Neutral - Typically respectful, but sometimes loses cool.
d) Somewhat negative -  Often does not respect others and loses control of temper.
e) Very negative - Not at all a good role model, should be banned from coaching kids.

9) Ability to handle difficult players
a) Very positive - Manages difficult players with aplomb and motivates them to be team players.
b) Somewhat positive - Handles most situations well, makes difficult decisions when needed.
c) Neutral - Handles most situations, but sometimes turns a blind eye
d) Somewhat negative -  Only handles situations when they reach a critical stage
e) Very negative - Lets difficult players become a cancer and completely undermine the team

10) Ability to handle difficult parents
a) Very positive - Manages difficult parents with aplomb and motivates them to be supportive.
b) Somewhat positive - Handles most situations well, makes difficult decisions when needed.
c) Neutral - Handles most situations, but sometimes turns a blind eye
d) Somewhat negative -  Only handles situations when they reach an explosive stage
e) Very negative - Lets difficult parents become a cancer until they undermine the team

11) Ability to handle star players
a) Very positive - Makes the special players better without undermining the development of others
b) Somewhat positive - Makes the special players better but sometimes at the expense of others
c) Neutral - The star player improves with no special treatment.
d) Somewhat negative -  Star player is featured so much that they become selfish with less impact
e) Very negative - Completely undermine the star player with overuse or negative abuse.

12) Attitude on winning
a) Very positive - Not the goal, but wins consistently by developing all players and team play
b) Somewhat positive - Usually wins by developing players and inspiring team play.
c) Neutral - Wins by relying on star players in tough situations, develops others in easy situations
d) Somewhat negative -  Winning is more important than fun and player development.
e) Very negative - Win at all costs, player development is not emphasized at all. Willing to cheat.

13) Ability to make the kids love the game.
a) Very positive - Every member of the team loves the game more after the season.
b) Somewhat positive - Most kids develop a love for the game.
c) Neutral - Coach neither instills the love of the game nor erodes it.
d) Somewhat negative -  Coach erodes a kid's love for the game.
e) Very negative - Kids leave the team or quit the sport because of the coach.

14) Ability to effectively distribute playing time that matches skills and effort.
a) Very positive - Every player gets their fair share of playing time to maximize development.
b) Somewhat positive - Mostly equitable, most kids get their fair share of playing time.
c) Neutral - Mostly equitable, but stars play more in difficult situations.
d) Somewhat negative -  Playing time is not distributed evenly to match skills and effort.
e) Very negative - Less stilled players are relegated to bench, coach's kid gets favorable treatment.

15) Ability to manage the non-sports elements of the job
a) Very positive - Team is managed like a successful business.
b) Somewhat positive - Team is mostly managed well, problems are handled.
c) Neutral - Coach delegates the work, finances, scheduling and it is managed well.
d) Somewhat negative -  Finances, scheduling and communications are often in flux.
e) Very negative - The team finances, scheduling and communications are a disaster.

Now that you have finished the test - See where you rank

COACHES PLEASE POST YOUR SCORE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW
PARENTS POST THE SCORE OF YOUR KID'S COACH IN THE COMMENTS BELOW

The Main Point

Coaching is bigger than X's and O's. You are not just developing players, you are developing young minds. Minds that will remember you. So, will you be remembered as a coaching legend or not?

Youth Soccer: Penalty Kicks and Self-Esteem

There are many liberal minded people in power in youth sports who demand no score games and no standing leagues. They do not want little Johnny or Suzie to feel bad when they lose. They think that the self-esteem of little athletes is fragile.

Is it the kids who cannot handle losing or is it the parents? Maybe these no score - no standings youth leagues are meant to control parents who can act kind of kooky when their kids are not winning.

But the common reason for no score - no standings youth leagues is the self-esteem issue. I personally think that real self esteem is established by overcoming and then triumphing. It does not come from being praised for everything regardless of results, talent or effort. Fake praise and false situations do not lead to a positive self-esteem. Kids are smarter and more perceptive than these liberal minded youth sports community organizers give them credit for.

There are going to be lots of kids who are not good at sports and never will be. Are they doomed to a low self esteem? No. They may find that they are talented at music and their self-esteem will be derived from working hard and learning how to play an instrument. Others may find that they are talented in math or acting or debate, their self-esteem will be derived from success in these endeavors.

Game 41

I bet those liberal minded no score types loath the penalty kick in soccer. When a PK is awarded, there is a clear winner and a loser in a drama that plays out under a spot light in front of hushed fans.

Last night, my daughter, CC, was the goalie when a penalty kick was awarded to the opposing team. The ref gave my daughter the instructions. He then turned to the striker and gave her the instructions. The striker placed the ball on a tuft of grass. My daughter placed her heals on the goal line. I was thinking that she has saved 100's of my shots on her and after each shot she would say, "Daddy kick it harder." I knew that the odds were for the striker and against the goalie, but I was confident that CC could handle it the situation emotionally whether she stopped the ball or not.

The ref blew the whistle. The striker approached the ball and absolutely drilled. The ball sailed toward the net slightly right of center. CC jumped up as high as she could and deflected the ball straight up in the air. The ball landed in front of the goal. The striker and the entire opposing offense crashed the goal for the rebound. CC grabbed the ball and darted out, she then punted the ball down the field. The ball landed just beyond the mid-line and took a huge bounce. The striker for our team ran under the ball and with one touch drilled it into the goal. CC was beaming. She said after the game, "I have never had so many high 5's."

The Main Point

It was a memorable play. A play my daughter and I will remember forever. It was a self-esteem building play. The girl who missed the shot is an elite soccer player, playing at the highest level in the region. The fact that she was chosen out of all the other girls on her team to take the kick should have been a honor. She should have felt good that she struck the ball with power and placement. She will likely not remember this play in a week or two and her self esteem as an elite soccer player will remain intact.

Kids know the situation. Kids know the score and Kids are going to grow up to be who they are going to be regardless of whether they were on a winning team or not.


Games 33, 36, 39

CC played in a soccer tournament this past weekend. Her team, the Sabres, was clearly the best team in the tournament. Being the best team in the tournament does not guarantee victory.

There were two pool play divisions. I assume that the divisions were randomly selected. The two best teams in the tournament were in the same division, the Sabres and the Bombers. The first game of the tournament featured the Sabres against the Bombers. The Sabres are not a morning team and didn't start well. The Sabres got down, 2-0 in the first half. They managed to win the second half 1-0, but it was not good enough.  The Sabres went on to win their next two pool play games 7-1 and 8-0 respectively, but that was not good enough to win the pool and advance. The Bombers won their games 5-1 and 6-3 to advance to the finals. They ended up winning the tournament. CC played well she had 2 goals and 2 assists in the tournament.

Game 35

Between soccer games on Saturday, my daughter was able to play 3 innings of her softball game. I tried to talk her out of playing on the fear that it was too much. She wouldn't hear it. She wants to do it all.

Youth Sports: Thoughts on Prayers For Performance

Last year in a crucial situation during the AAU National Championship Tournament, my son gave the sign of the cross before his at bat. After the at bat, I asked him about it. He said, "I prayed to God to get a hit off the tough pitcher." It didn't work, Nic popped out to deep right field.

Between games I told my son, "Nic, don't pray to God for a hit, pray to God for confidence and concentration instead. God does not care if you get a hit or not. Besides, the pitcher is probably praying that you don't get a hit so that would likely cancel out your prayer anyway. God will help you with your confidence and concentration. And confidence and concentration lead to lots of hits. Pray to God for these things instead."

I follow Morgan Ensberg's blog. Here is his account of his first college AB and a prayer to God.

Calm down.  You have been hitting extra batting practice in the cage after every single practice for a year.  You have taken extra ground balls every single day.
You have never had it easy.  You are the guy who finds a way to win.  You’re a grinder!  This is when it counts!  You can do this.  It’s time. This is your shot Morgan.

Lord, I need you now.  Thank you for this opportunity.  You continue to bless me when I don’t deserve it!  Please help me calm down and allow me to use the ability that you have given me.  Amen.

I have prepared.  I am ready.

Morgan Ensberg hit a Home Run.

The Main Point

In sports, there are many moments when you are in the spotlight alone. This is particularly true for baseball players. Players are alone on the mound facing a tough hitter, alone at the plate facing a dominant pitcher or alone in the field with a hot shot coming their way. Baseball can certainly be a lonely game, so I am thrilled that my son feels God is with him for support. I'm just teaching him to ask God for confidence and concentration instead of hits (or baskets, or goals, or aces, or birdies).


Game 30

There were no story lines during my son's volleyball game. His team lost 2 of 3 games per usual.

Youth Sports: Positive and Negative Influences on Performance

Game 29

My dad came to town to watch the kids play sports this weekend. Four baseball games, one volleyball game, one softball game and one soccer match were on the schedule. We ended up watching weather radar instead.





My dad did get to see one volleyball game on Friday night. My son's team lost all three matches. It was painful to watch.

Nic's team is bad, but they usually win one game of the three game match. Typically, my son can secure one win with his serve. His powerful diving serves are very difficult to return. On Friday night, my son was amped up and all but one of his serves went long. There are two possible reasons for this, 1)  he wanted to perform well for his visiting grandfather or 2) he was showing off for a bunch of girls from his class who were watching the game.

The B team does not usually attract girls to the game. The girls only go to the A team games. On Friday night, the B team played on the same court right after the A team, so the girls stayed around to watch. My son would have been on the A team, if he did not commit to 75 baseball games, so I think that my son was playing to prove a point to those girls.

The Main Point

Athletic performance is influenced by so many factors on any given day.
Confidence level, high or low;
Mood, good or bad;
Weather, hot, cold, wet, other;
Injuries, nagging or more serious;
Expectations, internal or external;
Fans, for and against, etc.
Each game is a learning experience from both a physical and mental standpoint. Help your young athletes understand the external and internal influences that affect performance. The awareness may help them focus.

Youth Baseball: Overcoming a Slump (Part 2)

Game 28

My "work hard and hustle your way through slumps" speech to my son seems to be working (See Youth Baseball: Overcoming a Slump - Part 1). My son, Nic, has been struggling at the plate for the first time in his life. He feels the pressure of high expectations, expectations established by a long history of success. Last night he hit a long drive over the centerfielder's head for a stand up triple. He came in to the dugout with a huge smile on his face. He said, "Dad, it is so cool when you see the outfielder instantly turn their back and run."

I have been videotaping his recent at bats and put together a montage to reviewed with his hitting coach, Coach K. We noticed that my son was taking one small step to set his base and load his hands into a perfect position. From here he should swing down through the ball, however, he was taking an additional long step as the pitch was coming. During the second step he turned his toe toward the pitcher. This caused three problems:
1) the second elongated step moved his plane of vision down so he was hitting the bottom of the ball
2) because the toe was turned open, his hips were flying open too soon. When his hands came through he was hitting with all arms and pulling off the ball.
3) This threw off his timing.

This is a recipe for a slump.

The hitting coach, widened his stance and instructed my son to lift his foot up and place it right back down. Nic did as instructed and had one very bad session trying break his bad habit. After the session, Nic was discouraged. He asked if we could have another session with Coach K the next night. I arranged it.

The following day, everything started to click. He was mashing the ball in the practice and was excited to tryout his new approach in a game. I told Nic that this was not a new approach at all. We looked at old pictures and videos and he was basically using the same mechanics he had been using with success for years.

Nic hit a long triple in his next game. On the ride home from the game Nic said, "I am proud."
I said, "Proud about the triple?"
He said, "Yeah, but I am proud that I am working through this slump. And the coach said in the post game speech that he can always count on me to hustle no matter what. That is what I am proud of."

So maybe dad speeches do work sometimes.




The Main Point

If your son or daughter is in a slump, video tape their at bats and watch the swing in slow motion. Review the video with your head coach or your personal hitting coach. If your coach is not really knowledgeable about hitting and you do not have a personal hitting coach then learn the proper mechanics yourself by watching videos. There are a lot of great videos on the market that teach the proper mechanics of a baseball swing. One of my favorites is Tom Emanski's Mechanics of a Major League Swing.

Also, remind your kids that are many ways to contribute to a game besides getting hits, scoring goals, making points. Praise hustle over hits. Praise guts over goals. Praise practice and preparation over points scored.

Youth Sports: Should Girls be Allowed to Play on Boys Teams

Should Girls Play on Boys Teams Series

When I am asked if a girl should be allowed to play on a boys team, I usually answer with a set of questions. Can your daughter compete with the boys? Will the experience help your daughter develop her skills? Will the experience build confidence or erode it? Will your daughter be prepared if her boy teammates do not treat her as a teammate? Will your daughter be prepared if the coach does not treated her the same way as the boys?

When my daughter was in second grade, she used to play pick up basketball during recess. She was typically the only girl playing and she was playing with / against some of the best boy athletes in her school. During one of these pick up games, she learned that a few of these boys were selected to play on the same organized team. She came home and asked if she could play on that team. I doubted it, but I told her that I would try my best to get her on the team.


Ronnie Grandison, a former NBA player, was the coach of the team. I called Coach Ronnie to asked if CC could play. I tried to convince him that she could compete. I told him that she may not be the best player on the team, but that she would definitely be his best student. He listened politely, but then informed me that the roster was filled. The very next day, I got email from Coach Ronnie. He changed his mind. He told me that he has four athletic daughters (he also has a young boy too) and couldn't say no. He added an extra spot.

Coach Ronnie runs a fantastic player development program. He and his staff treated CC (#12) just like the boys. It was so much fun watching my daughter's basketball IQ and skills increase each and every week. The following season, my daughter decided to play against girls because there were a few boys who refused to pass her the ball. Thanks to Ronnie's program, CC led her girls team to a league championship.

The Main Point

Girls should be allowed to play on boys teams if they can 1) compete, 2) grow in confidence and self-esteem and 3) improve their skills from the experience.

Youth Baseball: Overcoming a Slump

Game 26

Rain threaten the likelihood of baseball on Saturday. My son was actually hoping for a rainout. This is not typical. My son, Nic, who has a lifetime average well over .400, is currently struggling at the plate. He was thinking a little break might be helpful. The rain held off for the first day of the tournament so the games were played.

On the 45 minute drive to the field, I talked to him about playing through slumps. I told him that Mark Teixeira, All Star 1st Baseman for the World Champion New York Yankees, is a notoriously slow starter. I told him that Teixeira, who signed a $160M contract, is currently batting .123 after 65 at bats. I told him that he starts off slowly every year, but he always finishes near the league lead in HRs and RBIs. I told Nic that Mark still contributes in a big way. He still plays Gold Glove defense at first base and he plays with passion regardless of his average.

To make my point, I had Nic use my iPhone to see how Mark Teixeira had an impact on the game Friday night even though he went 0-4 in the game. Mark Teixeira went from 1st base to home on Robinson Cano's double down the line. Teixeira scored after a violent collision at home plate with the catcher. Parents please note, I told my son that under no circumstances should he ever run into the catcher. I was simply underscoring that playing with passion never goes into a slump unless you let it. Also, there is a debate about this play featured below. Some think that it was dirty, some think that it was clean. I think that he would have been safe with a hook slide, but it is a split second decision. Mark Teixeira is not a dirty player, he is simply a player who plays with passion.

Nic went 1 for 3 with a double. He played great defensive catcher and throw out two basestealers.

The Main Point

There are many ways to contribute to a game besides getting hits, scoring goals, making points. Praise hustle over hits. Praise guts over goals. Praise practice and preparation over points scored.

Confidence Can Carry Over from One Sport to Another

Game 25

I have kept the books / stats for baseball, soccer, football, and basketball, but I have never been the scorekeeper for volleyball. I can now cross that off my 50 things to do before I am 50. I kept the volleyball scorebook, while Nic's team won two games and lost one. Nic brought his strong serve and tallied 22 of the 45 points. After the game, we talked about confidence. He succeeds at serving in volleyball because he is confident. I told him that he will start hitting a baseball like he is used to when he gets his confidence back. I hope that the confidence he is building in volleyball will carry over.

The Main Point

One benefit of playing multiple sports at one time is that positive momentum from one sport can carry over to another. I guess the opposite can true too. But I have been using the success from volleyball to help build confidence for baseball.