Youth Sports: Dad, I don't want to play in college.

I started Stats Dad to chronicle my kids youth sports adventures, the ups and the downs, the wins and the loses, the tears and the fears, the hard work and fun, the cheers and the jeers, and the joys and the frustrations. My family has experienced the full spectrum many times over.

Well, my family is not unique. There are many families doing what we do, feeling what we feel, etc. So it is time to open up the platform for others to share their stories.

I have invited Mike Ewing, a dad, an ex-collage baseball player, a baseball coach and the creator Baseballinstructionalvideos.net to share his sports dad story on StatsDad. 

I am glad that I did, because Mike's daughter, Ansley, taught me something that I needed to know as my pre-teen girl athlete advances is sports. Enjoy.

Youth Sports Parent Spotlight Series - Mike Ewing

Ever since I was young, sports have been a large part of my life. My athletic career got off the ground when I was 8 in Little League. I was horrible that first year, but we won first place and I was hooked. I ended up improving enough at baseball to earn a college scholarship and I even played for a few years after college. I was forced to hang up the spikes due to injury but at that time, my children, Ansley and Conner, were starting their careers. This filled the void. 

Ansley, is my oldest, started out in gymnastics at 3. Soccer came along at 4 and softball at age 5. She gave up on gymnastics and softball after 2 years. She started playing basketball at 9 and that lasted a couple of years. She eventually discovered volleyball at age 12.

Conner started soccer and baseball at 4. He excelled at both and couldn’t get enough. He played baseball and soccer in the spring, summer, and fall, and basketball in the winter. Football eventually entered the mix when he got older. Football became an on-again off-again love affair, but baseball always consumed him. He played year round on as many as four teams in a season. 

By the time Ansley reached high school, she had become a very good volleyball player. She played club volleyball in the spring and high school volleyball in the fall. She traveled all over the southeast and midwest. She excelled and started getting noticed by some college coaches. We were excited since she was playing a tall girls sport at only 5’ 1”. Ansley got her first offers during her junior year from smaller DII and DIII schools. Of course she dreamed of a big DI school, but at 5’1” even as a libero, the chances were remote. 

The possibility of being a dad of a college athlete made me think about my parents when I played college baseball. I remember how proud they seemed to be. I couldn’t wait to feel that same sense of pride with my kids. 

I would have to put off that feeling for a while because I was hit with this BOMB. At the beginning of her senior year of high school, Ansley decided she did not want to play in college. At first I couldn’t understand how anyone would not want to be a college athlete. I would not have been able to attend college at all if I had not had a baseball scholarship. She had decided that she just wanted to be a student. She had missed out on a lot in high school. She had missed the prom her freshman, sophomore, and junior years because of volleyball tournaments. She had tournaments the day of the homecoming dances as well. She was able to attend those, but didn’t have time for dinner, pictures, etc. 

Luckily, we can afford to send her to school. I grew to support her choice. College is more than just going to class and studying. There is a lot to learn and do outside of the classroom. I hope she gets to do some things I didn’t have time to do in college. 

Life is a bit less complicated for us now. Conner is just now starting his sophomore year of high school. The hard part is going to be figuring out what to do with all of our free time. After years of driving in separate directions, my wife and I might actually have a free weekend or two with no ballgames or practices and we will have to learn how to watch games together. In three more years we may really be bored. 

Over all of the seasons, my wife and I put thousands of miles on our vehicles and spent who knows how much money. We wouldn’t trade it for the world. We have great kids and great students (the number one priority for our kids), who excel at athletics. We couldn’t have been prouder of our kids.

The Main Point 

Mike opened my eyes. He reminded me that short girls can excel at tall girl sports. My girl, CC, is 40th percentile for height and 12th percentile in weight for her age, but she plays at the 99th percentile of heart and hustle. I assume his daughter, Ansley, was the same way.

More importantly, Ansley also taught me that there is so much more to life for young athletic girls than sports. My daughter misses sleepovers and parties to go to soccer and basketball tournaments all the time. As youth sport parents, we might think that these things are trivial compared to the next big game. Maybe, just maybe they are not so trivial. Sports burn out is a reality.

When the choice come up for my girl to either play in a college showcase tournament or go to prom, I will help her make the right choice for her. I'll encourage her to go to the prom. Well, she can go as long as she is home at a reasonable time and her dress is not too short. :)

Youth Sports: Losses that Really Matter

March is over. Thank God. March was marked by some painful loses that clearly out weighed any and all wins this month. There's no greater loss than a parent losing a kid.

• Crazy youth sports parents get upset when their little star drops in the batting order.
• Crazy youth sports parents get upset when their little star gets cut from a team.
• Crazy youth sports parents get upset when their little star gets fouled, but the ref doesn't call it.
• Crazy youth sports parents get upset when their little star has to miss a game due to an injury.

I have been upset by all of the above at one time or another. Do you know what is really upsetting - read on.

On March 8th, a 19 year old kid named Jake died in a car accident. Jake's car, for reasons never released to the public, drove left of center and hit an oncoming car head on. Jake was not wearing a seat belt and died in the accident. My 19 year old son used to play soccer with Jake. And for years, I coached side-by-side with Jake's dad. Jake was not the greatest soccer player, but he was a super nice kid who always had a smile on his face. Jake's dad was not the most knowledable soccer coach, but would do anything for the kids and the soccer club.

On March 18th, a former colleague of mine lost his teen son named Collin. Collin was suppose to be sleeping over at a friend's house, but he went to an all night party instead. At 4 am, Collin, distraught about a breakup with a girlfriend, decided to walk home. Collin's home was 5 miles away down a four lane 50 MPH road. A 23 year old guy driving home from work hit Collin. The driver, who may have fallen asleep at the wheel, thought he hit a deer. Collin was tossed over the guard rail and disappeared down an steep embankment covered with underbrush. Collin's dad, Sean, and many many people from the community searched for days before they discovered the sad sad truth.

Collins death really hit home for me. Sean and I had a lot in common. We both loved our kids, youth sports and coaching. Furthermore, we bonded listening to each other's many stories about our not-so-easy-to-parent oldest kids.

Collin's dad, my friend, issued the poignant statement to parents of teens.

The Main Point

Listen, if you can watch your kid play sports, win or lose it should be considered a great day. Some youth sports parents will never see their kids at all, let alone see them play some somewhat meaningless sports event.

More on gaining perspective regarding losses.

This month, my daughter CC started her AAU basketball and select soccer seasons. The anticipation for both seasons were damped by two loses before the seasons even began.

CC's AAU basketball team lost their center and a key power forward.  These players left to join a new AAU team that was forming. The power forward was easily replaced, but the center is no ordinary player. The center is an athletic, game changing, 6' 2" 5th grader who can certainly lead a team to an AAU National Championship. Her mom played in 3 NCAA Final Fours so that is not an exaggeration. 

The best player on my daughter's select soccer team decided to leave the team right before the spring season started so that she could concentrate on basketball. Ironically, she joined the same AAU basketball team that the 6' 2" center joined. The top athletes always seem to travel in the same circles.

There were more than a few people very upset by losing these players. The loss of Collin and Jake puts these loses into perspective.

I know and respect both families and know that they are doing what they think is best for their kids. So I was never got upset by the situation. I was, however, disappointed.

The newly formed basketball team with my daughter's former teammates beat my daughter's team in the AAU Super Regional Tournament this weekend. Both teams qualified for the Nationals.  

Youth Sports: Tips for Athletes to Get Good Grades

My daughter, CC, will school you with a cross over dribble move.

My daughter will teach you a lesson if you attack her goal on a 1v1,

My daughter will give you an education on physics (ballistics) with her volleyball serve.

I am very proud of her, but I am more proud when I see her report cards. In 2011, CC played in 156 games (Elite Level Soccer, CYO and AAU Basketball and CYO Volleyball.) He compiled a 90-60-6 record across all sports. She attended exactly 100 practices. She also earned almost all A's on her report cards.

I watched her study last night and I thought that her approach to school could help others. Here are my observations.

1. She stays focused. She does her homework and does not get distracted by everything around her. She does not quit until she is done with the assignment. It's like playing until the final whistle.
2. She prides herself on doing work herself, but she is not afraid to ask for help. She doesn't waste time spinning her wheels. She's open to coaching.
3. She has mastered Google. If she cannot find an answer in the school book, she'll Googles it. She goes to Wikipedia a lot too. There are so many age appropriate resources to find answers. Again, efficient use of time is crucial for the busy athlete.
4. She stays incredibly organized. She takes the time to put things away in their proper place so she can find it when she needs it. Again, managing time.
5. She sets goals for herself. She asked if she could get a cell phone if she got straight A's, she missed it by one B+. (We gave her a phone for the effort.)
6. She typically starts her homework before she goes off to her sporting event. If she does not complete the HW before practice, she gets right to it when she returns. 
7. She does not get discouraged if she a test or HW assignment does not go her way. She has the confidence to make up for the set-back. She learned from sports that you can come back from a deficit.
8. She has the confidence to go to the teacher as ask for help or extra-credit.
9. Good is not good enough for her. She treats school / learning like a competitive sport. She puts in the effort to succeed.
10. She practices and practices for tests. 

The Main Point

I recently wrote a post on the slim chances of going Pro. Within that post, I put this personal note to my kids.

Please study in school because the chances of going pro in your chosen sport are slim. Go after it if that is your passion, but study, study, study so you have something else to fall back on.

Be proud of your kid's accomplishments on the field and court and help them succeed in sports, but you need to stress success in school too.

Youth Basketball: The Flu Game

On June 10, 1997, Michael Jordan woke up with a stomach virus. He was so sick that he couldn't even sit up. The Chicago Bulls trainer informed Phil Jackson, the head coach, that there is no way that Jordan would play the next night. Jackson started to prepare a game plan that did not include his star player for Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals.

The Bulls were playing the Jazz, who had won the previous two games to tie the series at 2 games apiece. The Jazz had all the momentum going into the crucial swing game. The Bulls did not want to go to Utah, where the Jazz were so tough to beat, needing to win the final two games of the series to secure a championship.

On June 11, the competitor, Jordan climbed out of bed late in the afternoon and made his way to the Delta Centre. He arrived just before the tip-off. Jordan stepped onto the court visibly weak and slow. The Jazz, with the superstar combination of John Stockton and Karl Malone took advantage and jumped out to a 16 point lead early in the first half. 

But the competitor found a way to endure 44 minutes of play and put up a stat line of 38 points, 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 steals and 1 block before he collapsed into Scottie Pippen's arms victorious.

On Tuesday, my daughter awoke sick with the flu after a night of trick-or-treating. She missed school Tueday, Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday, she went to school but threw up and was sent home. She lost 5 pounds during the week. At 71 pounds, she did not have 5 pounds to lose.

Youth Basketball: Bending the Rules

At the end of the last regular season game, I asked the ref and the other coach to bend the rules to give two of our girls a chance to score this season.

Last night, my daughter's CYO team played their last regular season game. The game was meaningless in the sense that the outcome would not change the team's seeding in the big end of season tournament for the Cincinnati City Championship.

It was a game that they should've won, but didn't. Winning was not the goal last night.

Goal One

Get the players, who played limited minutes in the finals of the last tournament (our last game), lots of playing time. These players will likely see limited action in the end of year city championship tournament that starts next week.

Goal Two

Get players some experience in positions they do not usually play. 

Goal Three

Get the two players who have not yet scored this season some points.

The game plan was to limit the team's three star players to 1 quarter of playing time each.

With the experienced players on the bench, the game turned into a blowout, but the less experienced girls were having fun and gaining valuable experience.

Midway through the last quarter, we realized that Goal Two was conflicting with Goal Three because the inexperienced point guards were not able to get the ball in the hands of the two girls who have not yet scored.

We decided to put my daughter, CC, in the game to penetrate into the lane and dish the ball to the two players who have not yet scored. CC was happy to do it. CC did a great job distributing the ball, but shot after shot missed the mark.

On one drive in the paint, CC was fouled. It was the 7th foul of the half and she was awarded a 1 and 1. We asked the ref if we could have another player shoot the shots. The ref looked at us strangely and said, "no." I asked the ref if we could ask the other coach for permission. The ref gave us a minute to inquire. Our team was losing by 12 or more, so the opposing coach, who realized what we were doing, was happy to oblige. So one of the girls who had not yet scored this season approached the line and shot two soft shots. Unfortunately both bounced off the rim.

CC triple teamed delivers a perfect bounce pass.

My daughter kept working her magic and distributing the ball to no avail. Then with 5 second left on the clock, my daughter got a rebound, darted up the court and launched a half court shot. The shot did not reach its target because my daughter was fouled hard. CC was awarded foul shots. Again, I went to the ref and asked if another player could take the shots. He allowed it.

The floor was cleared of all players because time had expired while my daughter was getting knocked to the floor. The other player who had not scored all season approached the line and put up a shot. The ball hit the back of the rim, then the front of the rim and then went through the hoop. A smile emerged from her face and the knowing crowd erupted with a thunderous roar.

The Main Point

I hate losing. It was tough to sit there and watch us lose a game we should have won. At the end of the game, however, I realized we kind of won. We met our goals (well almost). And that felt better than winning.

Youth Sports: Marriage Advice for Crazy Youth Sports Parents

Marriage advice for Crazy Youth Sports Parents

Today is the 285th day of the year and my two kids have played in 236 games and participated in 137 practices. That's 373 youth sports events in 285 days. My wife and I have logged 13,000 miles just going to and from sports games. I'm not sure how many water bottles we filled and washed or how many loads of uniforms and practice jerseys we have washed. Lots of time and effort goes into our youth sports obsession. Of course, our kids are not just athletes. Both are terrific students and are involved in non-sports extracurricular activities as well. It's pure insanity I know. 


To do this you need two very dedicated parents with a passion for their kids and sports. My wife and I wouldn't commit to this schedule if we weren't on the same page because a schedule like this could put a strain on a marriage. 


While we concentrate a lot of time and emotional energy on our kids, we don't forget about each other. We believe that one of the greatest things that we can give our kids is a happy and healthy marriage. My wife and I both came from broken families and know the toll that divorce can take on kids, so we constantly work at our 15 year marriage. Of course it helps that we are both compatible sports nuts.



Here's some marriage advice for Crazy Youth Sports Parents.

1. Have a date night every week without kids. (Fall Ball Baseball Saturday nights is killing this for us in Sept and Oct.)
2. Get on the same page about the sports schedule - jointly decide what to do and not do. And when too much is too much.
3. Go to every youth sports event together to share the memories. Of course, when you have multiple kids you need to divide and conquer. When you are apart, text sports updates or provide play-by-play over the phone.
4. Finally, take a TIME OUT from youth sports and go away alone for uninterrupted time together. This past weekend we took a break from youth sports and drove to Nemacolin Woodland Resort in Western Pennsylvania for a 50 / 25 / 20 / 15 celebration. My two sisters and my two brother-in-laws met us there. My older sister turned 50 and was celebrating her 25th anniversary. My younger sister was celebrating her 20 anniversary and my wife and I celebrated our 15th.

The Nemacolin Woodland Resort is a great getaway for active youth sports parents. There is so much to do. (Actually it is a great place for young athletes too. We intend to take our kids there one day soon.)

Over two days one or more of us did the following

1) Zipline

2) High-wire Obstacle Course

3) Wall-Climbing

4) Miniature Golf

5) Bowling

6) Beer Tasting Festival

7) Dog Sledding

8) Billiards

9) Jeep obstacle course

10) Fine dining and lots of drinking

We did not do the following because we did not have the time or the activities were totally booked

1) Spa

2) Skeet shooting

3) Archery

4) Golf (Two spectacular courses)

5) Zoo

6) Antique Car Museum

7) Antique Plane Museum

8) Hiking

9) Learn to fly fish

10) Horseback riding

11) Tennis

12) Swimming

13) Croquet

We had a great time. We only missed 1 basketball game, 1 golf match and 1 basketball practice. It was actually the State Cup Soccer Semi and Finals weekend. My wife and I rolled the dice that scheduled the weekend thinking that the team was not quite good enough this year to make it to the final four weekend like we did last year. We were right so we did not miss any soccer.

The Main Point

The over-scheduled youth sports world we live in can make life stressful for kids and parents.

My advice go to as many youth sports games are you can and enjoy watching your kids play. It will all be over before you know it. And periodically take a TIME OUT away from your kids sports schedules and your kids for a couple of hours per week and a couple of days per year to connect with your spouse.

Youth Sports: How Far Can Natural Ability Take a Young Athlete

Nic at age 2

There are some kids who are born with natural athletic ability. They seem to come out of the womb with superior hand eye coordination. They can run, catch, throw and kick before other kids can even walk steadily. At 4 or 5, they play up on teams with kids one or two years older just to find compatible players.

Will these young athletes be high school standouts, college scholarship studs or professional phenoms?

CC at 6, played
with 8 and 9 year olds

The answer. Who knows? Each kid develops at their own pace. Some kids develop coordination early and dominate in sports but then plateau. Others start off awkwardly but turn into good athletes. Some kids grow early others are late bloomers. All kids are born with confidence, but some lose it. Some kids love for sports grows, others lose interest. 

Yes success in sports requires natural ability, but passion for the sport and a strong work ethic are equally essential. A kid will not likely succeed at their chosen sport long term if he or she does not have all three qualities.

What happens to a young athlete who is born with natural ability, develops a love for the sport, but has no work ethic?

It can be a real blessing when things come so naturally to an athlete at really young age. These kids use their natural ability to achieve early success. Success builds their confidence and their love for the game. They love the game because success and its associated praise from parents and coaches comes so easily. This passion and natural ability will likely motivate the young athlete to tryout for a more competitive team.

This is when the naturally gifted player may come to the realization that they aren't so special anymore. It may be the first time that they are surrounded by other equally gifted players or perhaps better players. Their confidence will be tested for the first time. They might lose their grip on a favorite position. The praise that fueled them before doesn't come as frequently. They might start losing playing time. Self-doubt creeps in and suddenly they start thinking instead of reacting instinctively. This is when mistakes happen. They had never failed before so they do not know how to overcome adversity. Their passion for the game wanes. They never had to work hard to be good before, so they never developed a work ethic. They start to "not try" because they would rather be viewed as a kid who's not trying hard instead of a kid who is trying hard and failing. Then they quit.

What happens to a young athlete who has natural ability and a work ethic, but no passion for the sport?


Some kids who were born with athletic ability, show up to every practice, work hard and have a desire to improve, but they do not really love the game. Perhaps they stick with it because they are so good at it. Perhaps they stick with it because they are being forced to play by parents who are living vicariously

Youth Sports: Live to Play

To succeed at youth sports your kid needs skills, dedication, fearlessness, an opportunity and some good coaching. Oh yeah I almost forgot the most important part. your kid needs to exist. I am always fascinated by all the things that needed to happen throughout history for my kids to be born.

My wife's grandfather, Leroy is 97 and I love to visit him because he is a terrific story teller. Every time we talk to him we seem to hear stories about lust for adventure and a couple near death experiences.

Today he told us about the house he grew up in on the Detroit river, the river that connects Lake Erie with Lake St. Clair. Leroy used to ice skate on the river when it froze over. One day skating alone he fell through the ice. As he was falling he put his arms out to form a T. This kept him from falling completely through. The river underneath the ice was flowing at about 4 mph so if he let go he would float way from the hole and be completely trapped under the ice. He tried to kick himself up, but the heavy skates made this seemingly impossible. He tried one last time and felt a pull from his collar as he slipped up onto the ice. He looked around to see who pulled him up. There was no one there. He told us that his belief in God was strengthened that day.

On another day, Leroy decided to skate out under a distant bridge. The ice was firm and fast on the side canals, but under the bridge the current was stronger and the ice was thinner. When he reach the bridge he fell right through the ice. He tried to pull himself back up, but could not. Each time he tried to pull him self up, the ice would break further. His only chance was to keep breaking the ice and expand the hole by punching it. With each punch the ice gave way and allowed him to get closer and closer to a bridge support. Finally, he was able to reach the bridge support and pull himself up.

Finally, on a very windy summer day, Leroy took his sail boat out onto the river. He was a master sailer and he skillfully navigated the currents and winds on that day until he notice that a rope slipped out of place on his boat. To fix the problem he had to let go of the rudder. An instant after letting go, the wind and current turned the boat and the boom from the mast swung around and knocked Leroy out of the boat unconscious. He landed on his back and floated face up. He's not sure how long he was floating before he eventually regained consciousness. He does remember that it took him a few seconds to even realize that he was in water. As soon as he did, panic replaced the relaxed unconscious state he was in and he immediately started to sink. He looked up and saw his boat 20 yards away floating down river at the same speed as he was moving. He was able to swim over and get back on the boat. I said, "wow lucky you had a life preserver on." He said, "I did not have a life preserver on, those are for sissies."

The Main Point

97 year old Leroy Whannel with his great grand kids

I watched my kids as they listened in wonder to Leroy's stories. I wondered if they understood that if Leroy did not survive these accidents that they would not be there to listen in wonder. Did I mention that Leroy was on Normandy Beach during the D-Day invasion? That is a story for another day.

Youth Soccer: Brasil / USA pen pals

Two worlds apart people helping people.

Trace, the administrator of my daughter's soccer team website has a friend in Brazil named Eric. Eric teaches English to Brazilian students. The two talk soccer regularly. Trace sends Eric videos of our youth soccer team. Eric has been sending notes of support to the team via Trace.

Together they came up with an idea to support each other. They are in the early stages of establishing a dialogue between Eric's students and our U10 soccer players.

Students in Brazil are encouraging the players on my daughter's soccer team via email notes.

The girls on my daughter's soccer team are sending notes back in English. Notes that help the students in Brazil learn the language and some things about our culture. Through the exchange, our kids are learning a bit about the culture in Brazil. And who knows maybe our kids will learn some Portuguese.

Pretty cool.

Hi Girls!

I live in Brazil and I saw the website and the videos of your team! I liked so much!

You are very good players and I'm very happy to know there are girls like you, lovely about soccer like me!

 In Brazil, as anybody should know, we love soccer! But here, girls teams don't have many incentives yet...

So, is pretty cool as you can see girls who are dedicated to soccer.

I  hope you can achieve all your goals!

Good luck on the next tournaments!

Kisses,

Clara

Hi Clara

My name is Jess  #7.  First let me say thanks to everyone for all the 

encouraging words.  My team will do all we can do to bring home another trophy.

We play our first tournament of the seaon next week, March 12 -13 and we are all excited.  

It is really neat to have some supporters from Brazil, my favorite soccer players are also from Brazil,  Adriano and Rogerio Ceni.

Bye for now,  : )

Jess #7 

The Main Point


I am thrilled with the opportunities my daughter has to play sports. I realize that many women around the world are not as lucky. I am thrilled that my daughter can exchange notes with fans thousands of miles away thanks to a nice idea by two guys worlds apart and the power of the internet.