Youth Sports: It's Not About You Dad

This past memorial day weekend, my daughter's U11 soccer team advanced to the finals of the Warrior Classic, an elite regional soccer tournament held in Dayton.

The pre-game line-up before the finals

The team has played well all season, but has made fatal flaws in games that have resulted in more losses than wins. The team finally put it all together in this tournament, including a big win over the best team in Ohio during pool play. Unfortunately, our team lost in the finals to the same team 1-0. Regardless, my daughter's team earned a lot of respect and walked away with some hardware.

CC with 2nd place hardware

That is not the story. This is a Crazy Youth Sports Parents Series Story

One of CC's teammate did not participate in this wonderful experience. She did not participate because her dad made the decision to quit the team prior to the tournament.

Here is how it went down:

Memorial Day Weekend is a big soccer tournament weekend. Our U11 Elite team was playing in Dayton. The U12 Elite team was playing in Columbus.

A dad on our team has a daughter on both teams, so to keep the family together for the holiday weekend and reduce the number of hotel rooms needed, he asked the U12 coach if his younger daughter could play up.

The U12 coach called our coach to ask permission to take the player. Our coach approved the move.

Our coach then called up another defender from the B team, a defender who he has wanted to call up for awhile now. He saw this as a great opportunity to see how this B team defender would play at the highest level prior to tryouts coming up.

The U12 coach then decided that he did not want to add the younger player to his tournament roster.

The dad then called our coach to inform him that his daughter would be coming to the U11 tournament. The coach informed the dad that he has already registered for the tournament with the B player on the roster. He said that she could come to the tournament, but expect reduced playing time.

The dad was not happy with this situation, became irate and decided to quit.

The Main Point

Unfortunately, this is not a unique situation. Many parents over-react when they feel that their kid is being wronged.

Who loses in situations like this?

The girl, who is a great kid. She didn't play soccer all weekend long and missed a chance to win a trophy.

The girl's teammates who missed playing with their friend.

The dad, who is a great guy and probably feels sick about the situation. I have never gone to this extreme, but I have approached coaches and regretted it. I don't do that anymore.

Tip - Let the season play out and then make a rational decision for your kid.

Youth Basketball: Playing Older Competition

What do you think about younger teams playing against older teams?

Last year, my daughter's AAU team finished #1 in Ohio and ended the season #9 in nation at the conclusion of the 2011 AAU National Championship in Orlando, Florida. One of the reasons for the success achieved in state and national tournaments can be attributed to playing against older, faster and bigger competition leading up to the top tournaments.

The coach is following the same path this year. She entered the 5th grade team in a 6th grade winter league and in 6th grade tournaments.

Playing older, faster and bigger competition has advantages and disadvantages. The following advantages assumes that the younger team can actually compete with the older teams.

Advantages

• The team learns how to play against strong teams.
• The team learns how to break the press against stronger, faster and often tougher guards.
• The team learns how to get rebounds despite being outsized.
• The team learns how to win close games instead of blowing out every team.
• The team learns how to lose - going 40 and 0 before a tough national tournament can add to the stress.
• The team learns how to shoot over taller competition.
• The team learns how to create space and move without the ball.
• The team learns how to help on defense because older, faster kids will often breakdown a younger defender.
• The team learns how to work hard for points because nothing comes easy.

Disadvantages

• The team could lose confidence.
• The faster paced game could create bad habits - picking up the dribble to early, forcing bad passes, avoiding drives to the rim, etc.
• Some players could get hurt against bigger players. Our team is very big for a 5th grade team so this is not a problem as a team, but some players on the team are undersized. My daughter is one of those smaller players.

The Main Point

I worry about the injury risk because my daughter is so small compared to most of the older competitors, but I am not worried about her confidence waning. She does get disappointed when she doesn't play well against a bigger and faster opponent but she doesn't get discouraged. Conversely, her confidence soars when she plays great against players who should be better than her based on their bigger size and extra year of experience.

Regarding bad habits, in the beginning of last year my daughter was overwhelmed by the faster and stronger players and she often pick up her dribble too quickly and made hasty passes. Still, she never seemed discouraged or intimidated. And the coach did not give up on her. She progressed greatly over the year and this year she moves the ball with so much more confidence and purpose.  

Overall, I think that teams should play up against older teams if they are exceedingly better than the same age competition in their area. A good team that wants to do well in state and national tournaments needs to find the right competition level to challenge them and make them better. For me enjoyment of the game and confidence is the key to success, so a team should never move up to an older league if it will erode the confidence of the players or take the fun out of the game for the players.

This past weekend, CC's 5th grade team came in second in a 6th grade Cincinnati Christmas Classic Tournament. They lost a low scoring physical game in the finals 15-18 against the 6th grade team from the same select basketball club. CC was the smallest player on the court, but she scored 6 points and was called upon to attempt the game tying 3 point shot with 3.5 seconds left. She got the shot off, but it did not go in. She was proud in defeat.

Youth Basketball: The climb to an AAU National Championship (Part 3)

My daughter, CC and her team are making a run at a AAU Division I National Championship. I am following the process through this series of blog posts.

• (Part 1) Youth Basketball: The Climb to an AAU National Championship - Registration Process
• (Part 2) Youth Basketball: The Climb to an AAU National Championship - Tournament Qualifying Process.
• (Part 3) The Super Regional Step

Background

My daughter's 4th grade AAU team has been together since December '10. The team played up in a local winter league against 5th and 6th grade teams to prepare for the 4th grade AAU season. The girls took their lumps playing against bigger, more physical and more experienced teams, but they also won quite a few games while they gained confidence and toughness. 

The team also played in several 4th grade tournaments over the winter to gauge where they stood against their peers. These games gave CC's team a chance to work on plays without the intense pressure that older girls provided. The team won every 4th grade tournament game leading up to their eventual run at AAU Division I National Championship. In fact, they won almost every game by a margin of victory of 10, 20 and 30+ points. They were ready to start the climb to a national championship.

The AAU season started March 25th at the pre-qualifying tournament.

Pre-Qualifying Tournament

Fast Break

The Ohio AAU put on a pre-quaifying tournament the weekend of March 25th. CC's team entered the tournament to prep for the Super Regionals the following week. 

Note: Super Regionals, Districts and the National Tournaments all use a 30 second shot clock. It's highly recommended that teams who have not played with a 30 second shot clock play in a pre-qualifier to get used to the shot clock. Our 4th grade girls had never played with a shot clock before.

CC's team won all of the pool play games of the pre-qualifier including an exciting over-time victory against the host team. It was the first 4th grade team to challenge our girls. The host team then avenged their heart breaking loss in pool play to win the tournament championship game. That was the first loss of the season against a 4th grade team. I am pretty sure the team felt like the #1 UCONN women did tonight after losing to Notre Dame.

After the loss, there were no tears, but the team did leave with a feeling like they could have and should have won the tournament. After the game, the team was reminded that they would get a chance to take it back the next weekend in the Super Regionals. And they were also reminded that they would have their 5 ft. 9 in center back who missed the pre-qualifying tournament due to spring break.

Super Regionals

The Ohio District for Girl's AAU Basketball held a Super Regional Tournament this past weekend. Only 3 teams signed up for the tournament, so only one invitation to the Division I National Tournament would be awarded. (See Part 2 for National Championship Qualifying Rules) 

The pressure was on. To gain a bid for a Division I National AAU Title, CC's team needed to win the tournament and that meant beating the team that beat CC's team in the pre-qualifier.

4th Grade AAU Team

The team's center was back in action and the girls won both pool play games, but it was not easy. The pool play game against our new rival went into over time again. CC's team was victorious, but the win was meaningless because both teams would advance to the Super Regional championship game. 

The finals turned out to be a very physical game between two teams that wanted desperately to earn a Division I bid. Girls were getting knocked down and crying, coaches were yelling and fans were riding the refs. It was pure excitement and I think that we all forgot that these were just 10 year old girls playing a game that was meant to be fun. 

Super Regional Gold Metal

The lead changed hands back and forth all game long until CC's team put together some clutch shots done the stretch to pull away and win 33-24.

The Main Point

The climb to a Division I AAU National Championship is not easy. It will be a battle. I blog with unfounded confidence. I have no idea how good the teams are in other parts of the country in comparison to my daughter's team. It will be fun to watch it all unfold. Regardless of how it turns out this will be a great experience for my daughter.

Am I What's Wrong With Youth Sports?

I recently received this negative comment regarding my post called Should Your Young Athlete Play Up. The post was about my daughter who was in kindergarten at the time playing up in a 3rd and 4th grade league. I didn't want the dialog buried in a comment on a post that is almost one year old. I'm trying to provide an honest and authentic blog about youth sports. And the honest truth is that I question and second question myself all the time regarding my over-scheduled kids.

Anonymous said...You are exactly what is wrong with youth sports. How many goals scored is completely unimportant at this age. The fact that you stated you are a coach and didn't realize one of your players was moving up is a huge tell. For your daughter's and other kids sake give up coaching and be the type A parent you really are from the other side of the field.

My first reaction was wow - this parent must have some anger issues. Perhaps Anonymous has been on the bad side of a bad coach at one time in his / her life. Who knows, but I wanted to take time to think about and respond to the comment.

My Response - In all honesty Anonymous - I just may be making a big mistake with my kids regarding sports. I often wonder if I should be holding them back. Should I convince them to play on less serious teams or for less serious coaches (BTW - I do not coach anymore, my kids play on teams with paid coaches now). Should I limit the number of sports they play especially in the same season. My wife and I talk about this all the time. We wonder if we are putting them at risk of overuse injuries. We wonder if they are going to get  burned out before they even get to high school.

We talk to our kids often and ask them about their thoughts and concerns about the teams they are on and their busy schedules. We provide our point of view and our concerns, but we let them make their own decisions. 

This is what they tell us - They love to play sports. They love to be on the field with their friends. I could not prevent overuse injuries if I tried, my daughter will play a double header basketball game and then come home and immediately go out side to our basketball hoop to play more. My son is the same way. Last week, they had a rare Saturday afternoon off. They each invited a friend over and the four of them played basketball for 5 hours. It's the way I was wired. It's the way my wife was wired and it's how my kids are wired. I wrote about this in Youth Sports Fanatics by Nature or Nurture?

By the way Anonymous - I agree scoring in soccer especially at that young age is not important. I was using scoring as proof that my daughter was right - that she could play with the older girls. I am glad that she talked me into it. And quite frankly that experience helped her make her current elite soccer team that competes at her age level

Finally Anonymous, if you read my blog consistently you would know that I praise my kids for hustle and hard work first and foremost. I do not overly emphasize the statistics with them. Why because hustle and hard work never goes into a slump. And hustle and hard work will serve them well when their sports careers are over. Plus if they hustle and work hard, the statistics will follow.

The Main Point

I didn't push my daughter to play up on a much older team for my own ego. She pushed me to allow her. In kindergarten she had the skills to play with older kids because she played against her older brothers all the time. More importantly, she had the confidence to play with older kids. If she did not have the combination of skills and confidence I would have never allowed it.

Parenting youths sports athletes is not easy. Your kids did not come with an instruction manual if best use. You are going to make mistakes. The very first game that my daughter played as a kindergartner against 3rd and 4th graders, I thought I made a terrible mistake. Here is the play by play.

CC hustled toward a free ball. An older girl bigger and faster ran toward the ball from the opposite direction. The older girl beat CC to the ball and kicked it. The ball hit CC in the face. I was standing on the sidelines less than 10 feet away. I remember her blonde, almost white hair, fly back in a quick flash and then forward over her face. My thoughts raced, I'm an idiot. I should have been smarter. I should have said no. I didn't I say no. I hope to God she is not hurt. What were you thinking. Her tiny hands immediately snapped up to her face under her hair and just as quickly pushed the hair away from her face. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. There was a brief pause as she was deciding whether or not to cry. They she turned her head to find the ball and ran off to get it. She never looked back all year.

Anonymous, thanks for making me think about that great memory again. I hope that you have many positive youth sport moments too.

Youth Sports: Playing Up To Get Better

Playing up has advantages and disadvantages.

My daughter's 4th grade team has dominated every 4th grade team that they have played. They often play against older teams to find the competition that they need to get better.

I understand the concept but it can be humbling and risky. How? Why? The younger girls could lose their confidence, create bad habits or get hurt.

The Main Point

I worry about the injury risk because my daughter is so small compared to many of her teammates and the older competitors. I am not worried about her confidence because it soars when her team beats an older team and it does not wane when they lose a game they were not expected to win. Regarding bad habits, my daughter tends to pick up her dribble to quickly against bigger and faster teams, but as long as she is improving every week I think that this will eventually make her better than her peers.

Overall, I think that teams and / or players should play up to find the right competition level as long as it does not erode confidence. Confidence is the long term key to success.

This past weekend, CC's 4th grade team won both pool play games and entered the elimination round as the 3rd seed. They lost a very close and physical game in the first round. 

Jump Shot

Youth Basketball: AAU A Whole New Level

Do you think that your young athlete is one of the best players in his or her age group? She or he might be, but you need to find the best competition to really know. 


We experienced a dose of reality yesterday. 

My daughter, CC, had her first AAU basketball game. CC's new team was invited to play in a pre-season game against another local AAU team. Although, CC's team has not yet started practice, the coach thought it would be a good idea to get a sneak-peek at the kind of team she has this year. Last year, the team dominated the 3rd grade level, so they decided to play up in the 5th grade division this year. In 3rd grade, my daughter was leading her recreational basketball team to the town championship. That was last March and that seems so long ago.

My daughter was nervous in the morning. She did not really want to go. This is not unusual for her as she enters a new situation with teammates she does not yet know, but we knew once she stepped on the court she would be fine. 

We got to the facility early because my daughter wanted to watch the B team play. We agreed because we thought it would help her understand that she is good enough to play AAU ball. 

We watched and noticed that the game was being played at a much higher level than the games my daughter typically plays. The level was higher because all the players on the court could play as opposed to just two or three on any given team. We realized that CC could compete. My daughter relaxed and enjoyed the game.

As we watched the B team game, the A team girls from both teams started showing up. We noticed that they were much taller than the B team. My daughter stands as at 4 foot 7 inches tall (slightly above the 50th percentile for a 10 year old girl). There were 4 girls on the two A teams who were off the charts tall. My daughter plays at the highest level of soccer in the area and while she is not the biggest girl on the field, she is far from the smallest, so this was not expected.

The visual evidence

Normal Sized Competitor

Off the Charts Tall Competitors

My daughter admitted to being a bit intimidated while she sat on the bench and awaited her time to play. I was proud of her. She did not back down even though she was getting knocked around. She did not play with her normal confidence. She was more than willing to immediately give up the ball to a teammate when she got it. On her school team, she typcially controls the ball and shoots or distributes with confidence. 


The Main Point


My daughter wanted to tryout for this top AAU team. She made it. During this first game, she looked over-matched. This can go two ways; 1) She can get better and better by playing with and against the best competition in the area or 2) she can lose her confidence and never want to play again. My wife and I will manage this very carefully.


Game 159


CC's AAU team lost big. 36-6. CC had a rebound and a nice jump shot. She also got knocked around and had two turnovers.

Youth Softball: All Star Playing Up

Our daughter, CC, played up in softball this year so that she could play with and against girls of her skill level. During the regular season, she did particularly well in the field. She held her own at the plate, but was not a standout in her first full season in facing kid pitchers.

Regardless, CC was one of only two players from her team who played on the All Star Team. During the All Star Team Tournament, CC did very well in the field, but she was over matched hitting against the very best All Star pitchers.

Games 98,99 and 100

CC walked 3 times and stuck out 3 times against pitchers who threw pitches faster then she has ever seen. She played great in the field.

CC is going into 4th grade while some of the All Stars were going into 6th grade. Girls really grow a lot during these two years and the size difference was very apparent as you can see in the pictures.

We have decided to move her back down next year if she decides to play softball again.

The Main Point

Confidence is an important success factor for both baseball and softball. We played our daughter up in softball so that she could play with and against girls of her skill level. We noticed in the All Star Game that the better players were bigger and better.

We have decided to move our daughter back down to her age group where she can be a star and where her confidence can soar.

Youth Softball: Coaching is a Big Commitment

When you volunteer to coach it comes with responsibilities. It also comes with an expectation for a certain level of commitment.

My daughter's softball team basically completed the regular season two weeks ago. I say basically because we did not make up several games that were postponed due to rain. Rainouts are a pain in the butt for coaches. The home coach needs to coordinate with the visiting coach and find an agreeable time to play. Then the home coach needs to coordinate a field and umpires for the selected time and date. It can be an long iterative process. I have coached baseball before and know that this takes time and effort. My daughter's team had several rainout games that were not made up this season. That was disappointing. We paid the league fee for a certain number of games and associated practices. We also want our daughter to get as much experience as possible during these developmental years.

Furthermore, we qualified for the end of season playoff tournament but the coach opted out of it because he had a family commitment one of the two weekends of the tournament. He made this decision unilaterally. He did not ask the parents. He did not seek an alternative solution. This was disappointing too.

Luckily, my daughter, CC, made an All Star tournament team. Although she is clearly one of the best players on the team, we were a little surprised that she made the All Star team because she plays up.

CC participated in several practices with the All Star team last week. That team had a really strong coaching staff and she learned a lot.

The Main Point

If you decide to coach remember that it comes with responsibilities and a certain level commitment. Make sure you are up for all the sacrifices you need to make.

Should Your Young Athlete Play Up?

You frequently come across a kid who is playing up. In other words, playing with and against older kids. Should young athletes play up?

Playing with better kids will make your young athlete better if they can compete. The same kid may be better off building up confidence playing well against his or her age. Confidence is the key for me. If they can play up and build confidence that is a great situation.

In our town kids 4 and 5 year olds play Instructional soccer. My daughter played in the Instructional level as a 4 year old. She was quite advanced compared to the other kids and was often frustrated when her teammates failed to pass the ball. In the fall of 2005 when my daughter turned 5, we moved her up to the Passers division to play with 6 and 7 year olds. I was the coach and knew she could do it. She ended up leading the team in scoring that year.

My assistant coach, Coach Joe, had a daughter on the team who was 7 years old. She was a good soccer player. Following the successful season, my assistant coach asked me if I would like to coach with him again in the spring. We worked well together, so I said yes.

When I signed up for the spring season, I noted on the registration that I wanted to be paired with Coach Joe. I got a call from the league saying that Coach Joe's daughter, now 8, was moving up to the Wings division. I told my daughter, who was still 5, that she would not be able to play with Josephine this season because she was moving up to play with 8 and 9 year olds. My daughter asked if she could play up. She heard that term when she played up last season. I told her that it would be a big jump. After thinking about it for a few minutes she said, "Dad, if Josephine can play in that division so can I. I am better than her." I could not argue.

I talked it over with my wife. I agonized over it. We were concerned about our daughter getting hurt. We were concerned about her losing confidence because she would be playing against much bigger, faster and experienced girls. We were concern what other parents would say about us as parents. But my daughter was dead set on playing with her buddy Josephine. I had seen Wings soccer and knew she would not be the worst player on the team. I got the league to give my daughter special permission to play up. To my absolute surprise at the end of the season, my kindergartner daughter was the second leading scorer. Second to a 3rd grader who turned 10 during the season.

My daughter became a better player playing against older kids. She eventually moved back to her age group when she made an elite regional team. She ended up leading that team in both goals and assists.

The size of the heart matters more than the size of the player.